I Can Do New Things

For the last two years, Glennon Doyle’s quote of “I can do hard things” has seen me through. It gave me strength when I didn’t think I had any, and hope when it was hard to find.

I’m finding now, though, that I’m through the divorce and transition and my first dating-heartbreak, the thing I’m thinking now isn’t so much “I can do hard things” but “I can do NEW things”.

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I’m really pushing myself to go beyond what is known, what I’ve always done, and try to say yes to things I’ve never done but wanted to. I want to start being the person I’ve longed for: an adventurous spirit, a lover of life, a person who dives in. 

I was talking to a friend today and I told her that I was asked out on Friday, and he asked if I wanted to do something active or non-active. Usually, I’d say non-active. Let’s just go to dinner, but I really want to do an activity. (Don’t get me wrong. I love going out to dinner.) I want to be the kind of person that DOES. I want to be active, and to do that with someone else. So I said to my friend that I was scared but “I want to be someone who tries new things.” 

She promptly responded, “But you already are.”

(I’m not sure what NEW THING is happening in this picture, but I am all for it.)

“I’m not,” I said. “What if he wants to go skiing or hiking and what if I’m really bad at it? I’m terrified of being bad at it, but I also really want to try it. I’m not a person who tries stuff.”

She laughed at me then, but with love. “Tanya, you’ve started businesses. You’ve produced and published books. You didn’t know how to do that and you figured it out. You didn’t know how to buy a house or start over, and you figured it out. You are already a person who does new things, now you just want to do new FUN things.”

It’s liberating, this idea that I’m already the person I’ve always wanted to be. 

I’m just applying it to dating now. 

I can have a fun, flirty texting spree with someone who lives miles away if I want to try that. I can go out on a date that isn’t just sitting in a restaurant. I can try skiing, or ice skating, or sledding. I can be terrible at things. I can fail at things. And I can try other things.

I can date someone who interests me intellectually, or physically, or both. I can be passionate, I can be reserved, I can be crass, I can be reflective. I can try new foods, I can learn to drink beer, I can grow my hair long and cut my bangs short. I can wear clothes that are form fitting. I can wear an old flannel shirt and worn jeans. I can travel. I can fall in love. I can fall in lust. I can be in a relationship. I can be single.

I know some of this is bordering on a really cheesy “I can do anything!” kind of musical number, but it’s a realization that is kind of mind-blowing.

For so long, I’ve focused on what I’ve been lacking (a long term committed relationship, a close family, a book deal) that I honestly didn’t see what I do have: 

Possibility.

And the only thing that has been stopping me from doing new things…has been me.

Well.

Fucking A.

Now that I know this, I only have one more question: What am I going to do next?

TANYA EBY

Tanya is a writer, a narrator, and a mom.

She doesn’t know how to iron and that’s not something she wants to learn.

She does want to learn how to cross-country ski.

She hopes that in her blogs, you find something to connect to, and something that encourages you to keep going, keep trying, keep growing.

If you like her work, please share it on social media.