The day started with an omen. I put on my new bright blue Wonder Woman t-shirt. Simone, my 4-year-old daughter told me it was too young for me and I shouldn’t buy it but I bought it anyway. When she saw me wearing it, she was mad because she wanted one too, and who can blame her? I’m obsessed with Wonder Woman. Who wouldn’t want to be her? Long dark hair. Killer cleavage. Gold bracelets. And an INVISIBLE plane. I thought I could use some her juju. On went the shirt.
I spent the wee hours of the morning cooking, cleaning, watching the kiddos. Simone gave me a hug then pulled a long sticker that was on my boob. It was marked LARGE. So, yeah, the only thing I channeled from Wonder Woman was an invisible sticker that let everyone know I have big knockers, and with the right push-up, killer cleavage.
She's Hot. Who Wouldn't Want to Be Her?
Good thing I didn’t go out like that.
Biff joined us around ten. He met the kids yesterday and much to my surprise, he wanted to come back. I’ve been struggling with the idea of having him meet the kids or not. Some people say you wait six months and until you’re super serious; some say you introduce them right away. We debated this. In the end, I decided that I wanted him to meet them. We are serious, I think. Serious enough at this stage. And I do feel like I’m living a double life, and I’m tired of keeping the two sides separate.
While it’s not exactly a Clark Kent/Superman kind of life, I do have the one side of me that is a sexy, single woman who’s passionate and artistic and emotional; the other side of me has two kids, wipes noses and bottoms, cooks, cleans, says ridiculous things like “Do not put your butt in each other’s faces!” and wears yoga pants even though I don’t do yoga. It’s not pretty.
I guess I was scared to let Biff meet the kids for a couple of reasons. What if they hate each other? What if he’s mean to them? What if the kids are mean to him? What if once he sees me as a Mom he’ll just see me as someone who once lactated? And how sexy is that?
And then, at lunch, Louis (he’s 5) said “So, Biff, do you have a wife?”
I about choked. Biff just smiled and said, “No. No, I don’t.”
Louis shrugged his shoulders and then said, “Well, you could marry my mom if you wanted.”
Yep. I was officially dying.
Biff said, “Would you like me to do that?”
Louis shrugged again. “If she wanted to. It’s her choice really.” Then Louis came over and gave me a kiss. I thanked him for taking care of me. I sort of feel like in that kiss he was telling me that whatever I wanted was okay with him. That's pretty spectacular from a five-year-old.
The kids liked Biff. I think they want to see me happy and I have to say that today, I was. I was also terrified. I am terrified. What if I made the wrong decision? What if Biff is freaked out by the demands of dating a woman with kids? What if, what if, what if.
I don’t know.
It’s night now and Biff is home and my kids are asleep. I just put on my yoga pants and slipped back into my Wonder Woman t-shirt. If anything, she reminds me that a woman, no matter her situation, is powerful. She can fight crime, work during the day, fly a jet, be an Amazon, and look sexy while doing it all. That’s all I’m trying to do right now with my life…everything. Some days, I think I manage okay.