Demons, Betty Crocker, and Random Suckling

Last week I was complaining a bit to Kealoha that I was super overwhelmed and busy and I needed time to catch up on everything. I’m not sure how it happened EXACTLY, but that’s when he offered to hijack my blog. We made an agreement. “Okay,” I said, “You take it over for a week and don’t let me touch it. I mean, no matter what evil thing I say, don’t let me near it. I can’t blog and narrate and teach and parent and do all of that at once. One of these plates needs to stop spinning.” Maybe I didn’t say all of that OUT LOUD, but Kealoha got my drift. I didn’t think he’d actually listen to me.

You know how when people in movies go into a scary locked room to deal with a demon and they’re all like “No matter what, don’t open that door! No matter what I say or do, do not let me out of that room!” The person agrees. The nutjob goes into the demon room, shuts the door and then immediately they start screaming “Dear god! Open that door! I’m BEING ATTACKED! HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS??? OPEN THE DOOR!!” and then: blood curdling scream and a hand clawing at the window.

Yeah. That happened to me with the blog after being locked out for only three hours.

 

I have real control issues.

 

Kealoha said he changed my password and posted two blogs. After many password attempts, I discovered he didn’t change my password at all and was just messing with me…and following my instructions to keep me off the blog and focused on the things I needed to do this week.

Dammit all. He’s so good to me.

I guess I needed that mini-break. I needed the illusion that I couldn’t blog because suddenly I WANTED to blog again and thought of a million things to talk about. Things like, oh, when I teach and wear a low-cut shirt I also wear a camisole to cover up my cleavage because I don’t want to give the students nightmares AND I also worry that freaky little children will want to suckle me. (This is a throwback to the horrors of nursing…which I wasn’t able to do thank god for more than a couple of days until the nurses said “Oh, honey. It just isn’t going to work for you. You don’t have the right nipples.” Who knew that was even possible?)

See? That’s what I haven’t had the opportunity to share with you all.

I took my blog back. And Kealoha is back to sleeping in the bed with me instead of on the couch.*

 

 

*Actually, he slept on the couch because of a sinus infection. It had nothing to do with me, but I’m trying to create the illusion here that I’m a fierce mo-fo, even if I’m actually more like Betty Crocker.