Be like me. Be an animal.
Kevin put on his tight dark jeans that showed off his package and a crisp white muscle shirt. Over that went a white shirt and then his leather jacket. He looked at himself in the mirror and ran his hands over his chest. He looked good. Fit. If he were meeting this woman, he’d have her on his arm and out the door in less than an hour. Maybe he’d even get her to pay. Then again, he had to stop thinking about picking up women when this night was for his brother. For Dan the Man. It was the least he could do. “You ready, bro?” he called.
Dan opened his door, dejectedly walked across the kitchen, and grabbed his car keys. “Ready as ever,” he mumbled. Kevin thought that if Dan stood up straight and had some confidence, he’d look pretty decent. Right now he looked like a substitute teacher who was sent home after first period for being too boring.
“Come here,” Kevin said.
“What?” Dan tugged at his tie. “It’s choking me.” “Come here, man.” Kevin adjusted his tie. “There’s just one thing missing.”
“What’s that? I’ve got the car keys and my identification. I should be okay.”
Kevin shook his head. Sometimes it was like his brother spoke in a foreign language. “Dude. You need to smell good.”
“I smell fine.” He cupped his hands in front of his mouth and blew, just to be sure. “Cinnamon,” he said.
“Not your breath dumbass. You need to smell good. Right now, you smell clean, but for a woman like that, you need to smell good. You know, like all pheromoney and shit. Here.” Kevin sprayed him generously with a swampy cologne. Dan coughed and tried to wave the cloud away. “Stop looking all pathetic, bro. Look…you’ll never get her into bed unless you have some attitude.”
Dan shrugged his shoulders. Kevin knew his brother inside and out. And he knew right now that Dan was thinking that he was interested in more than just getting laid. “Dude,” Kevin said. “Trust me on this one. You’ll never get over Kim until you do the deed with someone new. It’s like some universal law of dating. You’re not over someone until you’re with someone new. I know you’re nervous, man, but don’t be. Just do what I would do and she’ll be yours. Be like me. Be an animal.”
“Fine,” Dan said. Kevin thought Dan’s voice sounded a little bit like his own. His brother would make him proud tonight, he had no doubt. And when his brother was to the point where he couldn’t screw things up any further, namely when the bill came, then Kevin could take some time for himself and find a woman of his own to spend the night with.
“Let’s hit it,” Kevin said. “We’ll take two cars because I have this feeling that you’re going to score tonight. Like a serious touchdown.” To Kevin, everything in life could be reduced to an analogy with sports. His ability to do this had closed more than a few mortgage deals, and once again, it had closed the deal with Dan. They were on their way. It was going to be one crazy night, Kevin could tell.
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