Encore: F***ing Pajama Day

My encore week continues with this blog I posted on June7, 2012. Every time Theme Day rolls around, or I have trouble getting dressed in the morning, I think of this episode:  

F***ing Pajama Day


This picture scares me more than the following story.

My kids’ school sometimes has Theme Days. You get these emails where it’s like “Today is Sports Day! Wear your sports clothes!” or “Today is School Spirit Day! Wear Blue and Gold!” There are all sorts of Days: Crazy Hat, Crazy Hair, Cowboy, Superhero, Glitter, Carnival, Jean, T-shirt, and Flesh Eating Zombie. (I might’ve made that last one up. I keep freaking out over that Miami Zombie.)

So on the calendar for Tuesday was PJ Day. “Wear your favorite PJs and snuggle in for an afternoon of fun!” I put it on the calendar; got a reminder email from the school; double-checked with the kids’ biodad and stepmom. Fine. Fucking PJ Day. Okay.

So the morning was nice. I didn’t even make the kids get dressed. They just stayed in their PJs. Franz wore a too-tight SpongeBob shirt exposing his round belly and super long shorts with guys on skateboards doing flips. Moxie wore a cute but slightly-too-big nightgown that kept slipping off her shoulder. She also has a red little chin with four stitches. We drove to school.

As we neared the school, a wave of unease swept over me. There were all the happy kids streaming into school…wearing…sundresses and shorts and tank tops…BUT NO PAJAMAS! What? Was I seeing things? It was PJ Day! I had an email! Where were all the fucking PJs? We got closer. I tried to ignore it. Maybe kids wore full outfits to bed. Then I heard Moxie's voice, edged with fear say “Mom?” and then “MOM?” and then “MMMMOMMMMMM!!!” Panic was thick.

I couldn’t deny it. No one was wearing PJs! Not one fucking kid! I suddenly had this vision of Moxie going in to Kindergarten and her teacher looking at her with the stitches on her chin and an old nightgown and saying “Just a minute, honey. I need to call Child Protective Services”.

I mean, just imagine the HORROR. You show up to school one day just randomly wearing pajamas. Your mom MAKES you wear PJs! I mean, it’s awful!

Franz said, “Huh. No one’s in pajamas.”

I said, “Uhhh….” panicking on the inside.

“Okay. See ya, Ma,” Franz said and then jumped out of the car, belly first. (We were parked of course.)

I took one look at Moxie, sitting terrified and shivering in her car seat and I said: “Okay. We’re out of here.” We squealed out of the parking lot, rushed home, I ran inside, grabbed a sundress, tore off the muther fucking nightgown, put her in the sundress, floored the car in reverse, dodged a baby carriage, careened over steps, throttled the car through rush hour traffic, and five minutes later, Moxie stepped into her Kindergarten class as if nothing had happened.

Turns out it WAS Pajama Day, but only in Franz's class. He said a couple kids wore PJS but mostly everyone just looked like they needed a bath.