Fingers Crossed

I’ve met someone. I’ll just put that right out there. And it’s super new and fragile and awkward…but the truth is, I like him. And of course, I don’t know how to handle it.

When you’re a teenager, you sort of makeout whenever you can and in the cover of darkness. Sometimes you have sex. In college you have sex whenever and wherever you can and sometimes you make out. In your twenties you have relationships that sort of erupt overnight like mushrooms, and then somehow become marriages. And sometimes you get divorced. Sometimes you get divorced and you have kids. After that, the dating world transforms. It’s not even a world anymore. It’s a universe…and it’s alien at that.

So this man…he’s smart, and funny, and flirtatious, and cute, and nerdy, and I’m pretty certain he likes me too. At 36 it feels ridiculous to wonder, “Should I call him?” and “Does he like me?” and “If I text him am I contacting him too much?” and then…eventually… “When is it okay to sleep with him?” They’re all ridiculous questions, and all things I’ll figure out if I can talk to him. Which I think I can.

Mostly, I just want time to get to know him. I’d love to hang out and watch movies, cook dinner for him, go out. Finding time between jobs and responsibilities and kids and everything is doubly tricky.

And of course, there’s the real potential of heartbreak. Dating doesn’t usually work out. Someone gets bored or pissed or starts showing you all those dark places they’d been hiding. Then again, what’s considered successful dating? Marriage? I rather like to think that successful dating is where you remain authentically you. You talk. You connect (er…physically, yes, but emotionally too) and that all lasts as long as it can. So if you’re true to yourself you get this daily gift of another person sharing some time with you, and maybe a little bit of their self. For however long you can. That’s success.

And, dear sir, If you’re reading this, no worries. I’ll tell you all this when I see you again. I feel pretty certain that will happen.

And for anyone I’ve pissed off through my fumbling and flirtations, I really am sorry. I haven’t blogged about the dates I’ve been on over the year, but they are rather humorous, so I just might…and I’m sorry for that too. Not to be insensitive, but sheesh, when a guy says he can’t see you anymore because he’s got to go on a weeklong ‘cleansing’ with his guru, well he's sort of asking for it.

And as for this new guy in my life…I’m glad I met you. Be tender. I will too. And everyone else out there who’s been following my divorce and disasters…maybe…maybe after you go through that, you also find something delightful.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed at any rate.

(Coming soon: I revisit old boyfriends from childhood on. Not literally visit them like in "High Fidelity". Just in mini-profiles.)