In Which I Imagine Meeting Gandalf, C3PO, and The Doctor.

Tim Beeler, an awesome artist (seriously. check out his creepy fun stuff at posted today’s question. He writes:

“An old grey wizard, a flamboyant golden robot and his best friend, or a man living in a blue box show up on your doorstep to tell you there's a great adventure waiting for you and you have to leave right now. Do you go?”

Okay. So this is a question that goes straight to my GeekHeart. Do I go? I am out the door!!! Okay. Wait. I’ve got to breathe. Let me think this through. If they all showed up at once, I’d have a heart attack, so let me imagine different scenarios.

Scenario One:

Blunder Woman Meets Gandalf

There is a knock at the door. Blunder Woman doesn’t answer. She’s too busy eating ice cream and watching Battlestar Galactica. The knock is more insistent. A WIZARD, GANDALF, barges into her living room.

GANDALF: There’s no time to lose, no time! Get up, young whippersnapper.

BLUNDER WOMAN: Did you call me young?

GANDALF: I did indeed.

BLUNDER WOMAN: I love you.

GANDALF: There is no time for love. Right now you must save the world from certain destruction! No time to think! You must come now!!

BLUNDER WOMAN: Okay. Just let me update Facebook, Twitter, get a sitter for the kids, call my mom, paint my toes, put on a push-up bra and grab a clean cape and I’ll be right with ya.




BLUNDER WOMAN is doing sit ups while watching a BBC romance. There is a strange beeping coming from the front of her apartment. The door swings open to reveal a shining robot and his wee friend.

C3PO: Oh, R2, I am quite sure you did not need to use your photokinetic blastermatron.

R2D2: bebebebebbeeep

C3PO: We haven’t time! We have a message for someone! For…Why, hello there.

BLUNDER WOMAN gets up from her crunches.


C3PO: We have an urgent message sent from a galaxy far, far away…

BLUNDER WOMAN: Is Han Solo there?

C3PO: Why, I can’t be sure. R2?

BLUNDER WOMAN: If he’s there, then I’m in, no questions asked. If it has to do with Luke or any of the prequels, sorry. I’m working out.



TANYA is in her living room wearing a silky negligee since she’s tired of being Blunder Woman. Her hair is perfect and she’s practically glistening with sex appeal. Hmm. That sounds gross. Let's just say she sparkles like a VAMPIRE. She opens the door to reveal a strange man wearing a trenchcoat, standing in front of a blue phone box.

TANYA: Helllooooo…..Doctor.

DOCTOR: I’m sorry?

TANYA: I’ve been waiting for you.

DOCTOR: What’s this?

TANYA: Oh, let me just take you by the coat lapels like this and then run my hand...



Sorry about that last scene. I was, er, uhm, a little distracted.

In all honestly, if any of these people came to my door, I probably wouldn’t open the door. I hate it when people want to sell me something and I have to hurt their feelings and say no. Better to pretend you’re not actually at home watching Firefly than risk opening the door.


Got more questions? Please ask. I'm answering serious and/or ludicrous questions alllll week.