It's Time for Some Bad Odes.

Years ago when I lived with my friend K, we were such dorks that for fun, we wrote bad odes. We’d sit on the couch and one of us would write a line for a bad ode, then pass it to the other. This is how we came up with such ideas that Santa was a crack whore, and an ode to sausage logs.

Yes. Writing bad is good. It’s so good, I ask every writing class I teach to join me. Even today when I gave a presentation at GRRWG, I asked them to play along. Why? Because we worry so much about writing well, that we forget to write fun. And it’s a fun exercise because the entire goal is to suck, and suck hard. So if you're a bad writer, you'll be great at this. You will wear a cape of Badness which in this case is good.

So now, I present my bad ode to you that I wrote in about thirty seconds. You shouldn't spend time on an ode. Time in writing is good. No. You want to suck. And what’s worse than bad love poems written really quickly? So, bring me your tired metaphors, your elated praise, your bad similies. Shower me with odes about pancakes, and beer, and holiday sweaters.

Here’s my Ode:

Ode to a Spatula

Oh, you flat bastard you

How you flip

me out.

I love your shiny-ness

Your cool shape

(unless you’re made of plastic and then

I support you but I don’t love you).

Oh, spatula

You can fry my bacon

Turn me over

And roll me in the pancake of your love.

I love you.

You complete me.

Word.

Send your bad ode to the comments below. Let’s see how wonderfully bad you can be.