Weird thing, but last night, I went outside and there was a crack of thunder and then from the heavens dropped a tablet! Not a stone tablet; that’s old school, but, like, an actual tablet. An iPad to be exact. (Thank you, heavens. Now I can play Candy Crush.) On said tablet was the following. New Commandments! They just fell into my lap! So weird. I’m sharing them now with you because I’m like a prophet or whatever. Also, because if I share them, someone up in the clouds promised me a donut, even though I’m gluten free now.
THE NEW COMMANDMENTS FOR MODERN LIVING
1) Don’t hurt people. 2) Don’t be a dick. 3) Use your turn signal. 4) Drink responsibly and don’t do harmful drugs. * 5) Stop posting mean comments on the Internet. (see #1 and #2) 6) Try to change your mind before you try to change someone else. 7) Love someone who makes you laugh. 8) Eat mindfully and with gratitude. 9) Dream and then take action towards those dreams. 10) Tip 20%. 11) Give random high-fives. 12) Dance. Especially if you have no rhythm.
* Drugs that are delivered via a needle ARE HARMFUL.
Then I asked the heavens if they could also drop down a charger because the iPad was out of juice, but the only thing that dropped down was a cricket. Can't have everything I guess.
I'll go get my donut now.