Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage

New Review of "Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage"

This is in the October issue of "On The Town". I didn't even realize they had the book. See original story HERE. By Joanne N. Bailey-Boorsma

Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage By Tanya Eby 

With perfectly normal Amy Wellington set to walk down a perfectly normal aisle, a wedding weekend that should be perfectly dull turns into fun, games, and murder when her mother, Pepper, and hunky ex, Graham, arrive for the nuptials. Turns out perfectly normal Amy is perfectly unique Sausage Wellington, running from a past that has now caught up to her on the picturesque Leelanau Peninsula and plans to wrap its loving and patchouli-scented arms around her despite Sausage’s objections. When wedding guests begin dropping like flies the night before the wedding, Pepper sends Sausage and Graham to a secluded cottage for their own safety. Soon the remaining guests-turned-suspects all arrive, seeking sanctuary and unwittingly putting themselves in very close quarters with the murderer.

In true Eby style, the book is fast and funny. I tried to figure out the culprit before my eyes read far enough, but I was pleasantly surprised when the villain was revealed. Like Eby’s other books, Pepper Wellington has a satisfying ending with an out-of-left-field twist that suits the pace and the story perfectly.

Backstage look at narrating! A video blog!

Thanks to Kealoha, I'm posting my very first video blog. I'm not entirely sure there will be more, so it could also be my very last video blog. I look sorta crazy here. I guess that's just me naturally.

Enjoy the video. Let me know what you think. If you don't want to watch the whole thing, fast forward to the questions at the end. That's my favorite part.

 

Question #4: Any Bites From Hollywood?

Bob Caustic also asked the following question: “Any nibbles from Hollywood yet? Who do you think should direct "Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage"? Who should star in "Pepper"?”

 

TANYA: If anyone knows anyone in Hollywood, please send them my way. Especially if it’s Drew Barrymore and her company because I really think she should direct one of my books and make it into a movie. And then she and I should go out for drinks and appetizers and then she could pay for it because I'm just a struggling writer. And then if she could buy me a gift basket stuffed with wine and gourmet food products, that'd be great. Could someone get on that please?

Sigh. Well, since we’re talking dreams here, I DO have some of the characters in mind. I could see Pepper Wellington as Susan Sarandon and Sausage as Amy Adams or that Alison chick from Buffy and How I Met Your Mother. Actually, you could take the whole cast from How I Met Your Mother and put them in the movie. Pepper just needs to be played by an older actress who has sex appeal and a pair of balls. (One of those things is just figurative.)

Patricia Heaton would be great in one of my books-as-movie. She's doing a new web series called Versailles so surely around doing that she could have time to produce a TV series around "Blunder Woman". She'd be a great mom in that.

OR for something really fun, I'd ask Martin Scorsese to direct my online dating romance "Easy Does It". Joe Pesci could play Dan the Man and Meryl Streep could play Julie, but play her with a Slavic accent, and then they could just randomly kick stuff and it would all be filmed in a single long shot with lots of smoke and violin music.

Yep. I have great ideas on how to turn my books into films. Just waiting for that call.

And waiting.

And waiting.

 

Screw it. I'm going to go eat some cheese.

 

Question # 2: For the Lonelyhearts (answered by Pepper)

QUESTION #2 I asked for questions on love and did anyone need advice. An artist named Tim responded with a comment that if only he could find love, he’d ask for advice on it. I decided to let Pepper Wellington have a crack at it since she seems to know a thing or two about love. Or at least making love.

 

From PEPPER WELLINGTON

Tim, dear. Can you see my face? It’s all pinched and unhappy looking. You know why? Because I haven’t had an orgasm in hours. Hours I tell you! And just so you know, I am a happily single woman. I am happy because I know that to make my face relax. I just have an orgasm and voila! Instant facelift. And to have an orgasm, I don’t need anyone else to help me do it. I can do it myself. Yes. I’m talking about masturbation. I do this and if you don’t you should…because nothing is as attractive as the afterglow of a sexually satisfied person. Not to belittle your feelings of loneliness. I’m only trying to make you laugh. Loneliness is real, and dark, and debilitating. And I think it’s perfectly natural to want to find a partner and to share your life with. It’s good. My only concern for you…my only suggestion then…is if you can live your life authentically, if you can focus on things that you have and what makes you happy, then you will naturally attract a partner to you.

No advice makes loneliness better…but I speak from experience when I say that when I am satisfied with myself and my life and my choices…those are the times that I have the most lovers approach me. Sometimes I take them on, and some times I don’t. At these times, I find I don’t NEED to take anyone on...and that's the difference.

It’s a hard place to get to, I know.

For now, start acting like you’re worth being loved even if you don’t feel that way. Pretend that you are. Puff out your chest. Walk around self-satisfied. Pretned it until you do feel it...because you are worth being loved, having love, sharing love, and having an orgasm that isn't self-inflicted. (Although those have their place too.)

And if there are any single ladies looking for an artistic man, well, here’s his Twitter feed. Follow him there.

I truly believe that everyone can find love. I don’t know if I believe there is one perfect person for each individual, but I do believe that love is possible. The more that you believe in this, the more you’ll attract love into your life. And I know you've probably heard that a hundred times...that doesn't stop it from being true.

Until then, drink a glass of wine and read up on the Kama Sutra. Good study never hurt anyone…especially in the bedroom.

In love and light, Pepper

 

Six Sentence Sunday 5/29/11

“Amy, that man is staring at you,” Peter said.

Amy shifted in her seat and refused to look at Graham.

Even not looking at him, she was aware of how the tuxedo fit every curve of him.

She imagined, briefly, unsnapping the buttons and tucking her hand beneath the smooth white fabric to trace the hair of his chest, to burrow her fingertips in it.

Well, not exactly burrow, he wasn’t a Sasquatch, but the idea of tracing the line of his clavicle then working her way under his shirt to touch the swell of his chest and then his nipple…

“Why, Amy, now you’re staring at him!”

From “Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage”

What is "Six Sentence Sunday"? A great way to connect with writers and find new works to read. Here are the rules as listed on http://sixsunday.blogspot.com/ . Visit there for a list of more writers playing this week.

 

  • Posts must be active by 9 am (EST) or your link will be removed from the list that week
  • Posts must be SIX SENTENCES or your link will be removed from the list that week
  • Post must be about those six sentences or your link will be removed from the list that week

 

,

Six Sentence Sunday 5/1/2011

,

And it was at that precise moment that the florid man with the enormous eyebrows made a peculiar sound like “Hrrrrrrrrrr”, clutched his chest, and pitched forward, straight into a rather large slice of prime rib that was so rare it seemed to be still pulsing with life.

The man, however, was not pulsing, with life or anything. In that brief moment, he was knocked stone cold dead.

“Well, I never!” cried Melody, as if angered that the man dared to behave so poorly at the dinner table.

Pepper Wellington jumped up, took the man’s pulse, and shook her head. “He never will either,” she said. “He’s expired, I’m afraid.”

 

 

 

From "Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage" by Tanya Eby