43 Things I Did On My Staycation

Well, my staycation is over. That’s right. It’s done and done. It was really good while it lasted, but I was ready for it to be over. I’m really not the type of person that can relax. I mean, I was on a week-long vacation and I still had to start my day with a To Do List. In my head, I was going to accomplish a lot. I was going to read five novels, find an agent at last, lose ten pounds, and totally change my eating habits, and finally put my telekinetic powers to work. I’m certain I have telekinesis because wherever I go, things fall over.

So. Yeah. Those were my goals.

What did I actually accomplish? Here’s my list:

 43 Things I Did On My Vacation


I read two hundred more pages of that fucking “Sarum: The Never-ending Novel of Fucking England”. I may be paraphrasing that title a little. The blasted thing is nearly 1,000 pages of really small print. It’s like “War and Peace”  only I can’t cross it off Harold Bloom’s list of the Western Canon that I should be reading because this is just a regular old book. Muther humper. It’s killing me…but at 357 pages in, I CAN’T STOP.


I prepped an audiobook.


I walked fifteen miles (total). I walked while shimmying for .025 miles. Don't ask.


I lost three pounds and gained two. So, yeah, 1 pound.


I didn’t get an agent, but I did eat a burrito. Not sure how those are connected.


And this morning a lamp fell over while I was downstairs. I wasn’t even around it. That’s how strong my brain-power is. Feel it? It’s giving you a massage on your back. I’m not very good at it. If you feel slightly uncomfortable and like you’re developing a slight rash, don’t worry. It’s just me.


I played Scrabble with friends and found out they both read my blog but never comment on it. Weird.


I took forty-two naps.


I did other stuff too, but it’s all random. I did relax. I really did. And at the end while I told Kealoha to pass the chips and dip and rub my feet, I realized…yeah. I need to go back to work. And I needed my kiddos.

-End of List-

They kiddos are back now. Sleeping upstairs after throwing colossal tantrums. Kealoha is downstairs working on wedding stuff. I just had a nice walk with my sister. This isn’t big important stuff like I’d thought I’d ‘achieve’ on my staycation…still, today I feel like I accomplished a lot. Tomorrow…it’s back at it. I’ll be narrating all day long, and touching people in my mind.

I’ll try not to be creepy about it.

Scenes From My Life

I am on day four of my staycation and weird things are happening. I think I’m relaxing. Seriously. I know it’s hard to believe but I’m starting to feel the way I feel after taking a Valium to visit the dentist, you know, all loose and totally okay with someone sticking foreign objects in my mouth. Huh.

Maybe that’s not a good comparison. Let’s just say I’m feeling good. I'm "chillaxed". Like this dog:

I’m also accomplishing my daily To Do List of read, write, and work out. I usually throw five or six other things on the list, because, well, that’s what I do.

I mixed a new audiobook demo in hopes I can branch out and get some more work. I’d love to install a home recording studio. Here’s the demo if you’re curious. Oh. Wait. I can't upload it. Damnation! Anyway, it has excerpts from “Exclusive” by Sandra Brown, “Blunder Woman” by some freak, and “Ice Cold” by Tess Gerritsen. I wish I could’ve put her new one on here that I just recorded because I LOVE it. Ah well. *Kealoha rocks! Here's the demo.

I’ve also developed some kind of alien cold. When I breathe, I make this whistling wheezy sound and I’ve started coughing like an old smoker; you know, that kind of cough when you hear someone do it you think, my god, they’re going to cough up a baby. It’s super sexy. Kealoha can’t keep his hands off me, especially when I’m all hooo-waaahh. Yummy.

I took my mom out to lunch to smooth some things over with her. Found a home for one of the cats, and might have a home for our three-legged one…that leaves one more home to find for sweet Mercedes. She’s a cat that likes to sit on your shoulder and stick her butt in your face. Want her? She’s awesome.

And I sent out 5 agent queries on the 4th of July. One of them wrote me back that day and said: “First I have to congratulate you on one of the best queries I’ve read in some time. I’d love to read your novel.” Now, if I can just get her as excited about the novel as she was about the query.

Today it’s Movie Day with a girlfriend, tomorrow it’s Polish Sausage Night with Kealoha’s parents. The excitement just keeps ticking.

Oh. And I bought my wedding dress. I couldn’t decide which to get so I bought two. I’ll wear the one that makes me feel pretty and thin and the other one I’ll just pull a Miss Havisham (as suggested by writer Jennifer Armintrout). Yeah. I’ll put the wedding dress on and go grocery shopping, or to the dentist, or to the allergist’s, and pretend that it’s TOTALLY NORMAL.

Then I’ll hock up a loogie. Just for that final touch.

Loogie. Ew.

That was probably too much information. I should probably go sit in a moist, hot room or something for a while. See if I can birth me an alien baby.

In love and light, Tanya