I’m too tired to write a blog today, so I am posting this for my friend Hammertoh. He’s new to writing, and I really want to encourage him. He also came over to my house (unexpectedly) and recorded this (by forcing me to boot up the studio with a dagger at my throat), so you can either read or listen to his sweet words of love to his girlfriend, Ulgra.
To My Love, Ultra written by Hammertoe, The Dwarf It’s the holiday season, Ulgra, And instead of playing into the rampant commercialism, I thought I’d write you a love poem instead. (Also, because I’m unemployed and have no income because my parents are making me pay rent to live in the basement of Mount Elohnay.)
I love you. I love you with a deep throbbing. A good throbbing. Not an infected throbbing. I love you the way that elves love eating salads With things like kale and chick peas and them there flowers. I love you the way that dragons breathe fire, Not from indigestion but from their sheer desire For all the shiny things. I love you the way the Dark Lord Goneigha loves death And blood Though maybe that’s not a good example. I love you with all of my being Which, like my stature, is mammoth. I love you more than I love to crush rocks. And that’s saying something.
So this holiday season, it is with all my life essence That I give you my love. I’d also give you a ring, But, again, no income. Still. You have my giant hand, My love, and my giant loins.
They are yours to do with what you want. Happy holidays, Ulgra. You are the stones beneath my feet, The molten lava in my veins, The giant battle ax of my metallic heart. You are my foundry, my heat, the sword in my stone.
I love you. That is all. And, as you know, That Is Everything.