Top Ten Things That Turn A Mom On

This morning, while scrolling for my Facebook feed I saw a headline from The Elephant Journal that read “Top Ten Things That Turn A Mom On” and I thought WHAT? And then I realized what it actually said was “Top Ten Things That Turn A MAN On.” Oh. That made more sense. And then, imagining the two lists, I thought…I bet those lists would have very, very different things on it.

So here is my list of the

Top Ten Things That Turn A Mom On

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1) Taking a bath without someone pounding on the door because they need to poop and/or they need you to set up the Xbox.

2) Having your husband say without your asking: “Don’t worry about dinner tonight. I got this.”

3) Having the kids actually listen to you and pick up their room/brush their hair/ take a shower.

4) A clean house, free of Lego Death Bombs on your feet.

5) Finding a nice place to get your hair done where the stylist doesn’t need to make small talk and you can just Be. Quiet. And get your head rubbed.

6) Having your head rubbed.

7) Being able to watch some of the programs you’ve recorded to the DVR while the kids play quietly upstairs and don’t try to strangle each other or shout things like “Stop looking at me!”

8) Taking out your winter clothes from last year and trying them on and having them STILL FIT.

9) A good, supportive bra that lifts your boobs and is sorta stylish and doesn’t make you look like you shop in the Granny section at Kmart.

10) A nice glass of wine, a good chocolate truffle, a slice of pizza (warm and gooey), a kiss from your husband on the side of your neck, having enough money in the bank for the essentials and some extras.

*Bonus Turn On*

11) All the male movie stars in England.