Two Conversations with my Mother
If you don't know my mom...well...she's a wonderful being. She's also extremely quirky. This is not a surprise if you look at me. I am, essentially, my mother's daughter.
I present here two telephone conversations with my mother. The first, is the conversation I wished we'd had. The second is the one we actually did have. Remember, I'm staying in the Days Inn because I'm narrating this week, and I have a broken foot with a ginormous green cast. These two details are important.
CONVERSATION #1
MOM: I just had to call you! I wanted to tell you something really exciting!
ME: Great. I could use some good news.
MOM: You got another bouquet of flowers!
ME: I did?
MOM: Yes! And this one is from MATT DAMON!
ME: Again?
MOM: He really wants to get back together. He says he’d divorce his wife for you. In fact, there are flowers and candy here from all your handsome, famous admirers. Isn’t that wonderful?
ME: I’m bored by it now actually. Being so desired is awfully tiring.
MOM: I know, honey. Boy, do I know.
CONVERSATION #2 (The Real One)
MOM: I just had to call you! I’ve got some good news!
ME: Great. I could use some good news.
MOM: Airway Oxygen just dropped off a knee scooter for you!
(PAUSE)