What Happens When I Try To Sign Up For Yoga

After years of wearing yoga pants, I thought it was time to finally take a yoga class. A friend and I walk around Reed’s Lake (4.5 miles) every weekend, but the winds are a blowing and winter is coming. A nice, relaxing yoga class indoors sounded perfect. Plus, I can be a teeny, tiny bit high strung, so finding my Zen might be really nice. I called to sign up. Here is the conversation: (Yes. That is Elvis.)

ME: So, I’m looking for an intro-level yoga class either on Saturday or Sunday that me and a friend could take. Do you have anything like that?


ME: Uhhhh…

REYMA: We have one on Saturdays at 9 AM.

ME: Okay. Sure. Okay. Sounds good. How do I sign up?

REYMA: Oh, there’s no need for that. Just stop on by and you can join the class. It’s for all levels.

ME: But what if it’s full?

REYMA: We’ll work you in. No worries.

ME: No. But wait. What if…like…the class is FULL. Shouldn’t I, like, sign up to make sure it’s not full? I don’t want it to be full and be all ready to do yoga and then have you tell me I can’t do it.

REYMA: No worries. It’ll be fine. You can just stop on by. Or not. Whatever. However you want to work it.

ME: Well, I want to sign up for the yoga class and I’ll plan on being there next Saturday at 9AM with my friend.

REYMA: Sure. Maybe we’ll see you then.

ME: No. No! Uhm, no. It’s on my calendar. I’ll be there. I’m signed up. This is me, signing me up.

(Pause. Sound of the guy doing deep breathing techniques.) ME: Okay. Thanks. See you then. Thanks.



I think this dialogue pretty much shows why I need to take a yoga class and why I’m probably going to be really horrible at it. I just felt like...you know...there are RULES, and you have to follow rules. Plus there was that one time when I was seven or eight and got up to the movie theater to get the tickets to see The Muppet Movie and they sold out. The kid right before me got the last ticket. And I just don't want to feel that way again.

I wish I could take a yoga class with the Muppets. *sigh*