What Kealoha Did For Love

When you’re in a relationship, it’s all about give and take, compromise, communication, etc. In short, sometimes you do something for your partner that you really don’t want to do, would never do on your own in a million years, but you do it for them because you love them. Like me. Going to Lowe’s. I know Kealoha loves me because he sat through “Insidious” with me, and the man hates scary movies. This isn’t the first time he’s endured something scary for me (besides my unshaven legs). The first time was when I wanted to watch “The Crazies”. All I knew is that it had Timothy Olyphant in it and I loved him in Deadwood. It sounded funny. I imagined crazy shenanigans and big punchlines. I honestly thought it was a comedy. About three minutes into the movie, we realized that it was an intense, eat-your-face-off zombie movie and we watched the whole thing.

Here’s the preview: It wasn’t ha-ha crazy, but it was kick-ass crazy. I loved it. Kealoha reluctantly agreed.

Then, this week, I asked him to please join with me in watching a scary movie. I’d heard it was a good one and I was sure it wasn’t THAT scary. I mean, most scary movies nowadays are more gore than anything.

We sat on the couch. Kealoha was a little uncomfortable, but he put his arm around me and said he was doing this for me. The opening credits rolled and a peculiar sound came from Kealoha. It was like a deep man-sob. Then a face flashed in a mirror and Kealoha jumped and did a deep “Arrghhh!” Then he sat there, panting.

I knew this was going to be a terrific experience.

We clutched at each other like scared teenagers. Kealoha curled up in a ball and did deep breathing while I comforted him. It’s good my kids were with their dad because we actually screamed. Several times. Consider the following:

It honestly was a great, scary movie with a good twist on the basic haunted house plot. In fact, I want to watch it again. I asked Kealoha to watch it with me. He looked at me with a “Fuck you” expression. I guess watching it once was enough proof of his love for me. Anything beyond that is really torture.


But I’d really like to hear his terrified man-screams again. They’re so funny. I’ll wait until after he’s married me to make him sit through something like that again. I mean, I don’t want to scare him off. Literally.