The Beauty In Things
Before I start this, I will tell you I just made dinner. I made tacos and taquitos and it is the best meal I have ever had IN MY ENTORE LIFE.
Also, I have been drinking.
Some wine. Just a little. Just enough.
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I’ve been wanting to blog but didn’t really know what to write about where I didn’t sound whiny or grumpy or lonely. Because I am all those things.
A friend suggested I blog about what I’m grateful for. I told him to fuck off.
Then I said “Okay.”
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Here’s the weird thing. And maybe this is TMI, but that’s okay. I overshare. I’m an oversharer. But I had this weird experience in the shower this morning. (ahem.)
First, I took my time. I didn’t rush to save the hot water for the kids. I didn’t try to be conscious of the environment and all the wrong choices I make. I just took a long hot shower. And I noticed a thing that was very strange: I like my body.
It’s not a perfect body, but it’s mine. I’m not a petite or skinny woman. I’m a woman with curves. Full breasts. Hips. Legs with weight. But in the shower (and I’ll save some of those details for my Tiny Poems) I just thought, “I am glad I am in this body. I love these curves.”
I’ve worked hard over the last six months to lose weight, and it feels good to be able to recognize myself again. To see the ‘me’ that I used to be.
I’m grateful for this body. There is beauty to it.
And when I got out of the shower, I thought about a few other things I’m grateful for.
I love a good glass of wine paired with the perfect cheese. I love rainy fall days where it’s cold and dark and the rain is a steady patter on the windows, and all you want to do is snuggle in, and you actually do is snuggle in, and it’s just so lovely. I love watching shows with someone I care about, and how when they put their arm around me, I can lean into the curve of them, rest my head on their shoulder. I love the magic that somehow, I fit there. I love putting the final three pieces into a puzzle because you can feel your success, the inevitability of it. I love walking with my friend Amy and how when we start walking, we are tense and anxious, and by the end of the walk, we are laughing and our bodies are limber. I love mornings when I wake up and have my cup of coffee with cinnamon and the dogs snuggle in next to me and everything is so quiet, that it’s like I’m a part of some wonderful secret. I love kissing. I love first kisses. I’ve even loved last kisses, because I tend to like the dramatic. I love the sound of my kids in their rooms, listening to music, talking to their friends online. I love the mumble of the happy every-day-ness that happens. The things I won’t remember, but that make up the song of my life.
There are good things in this world. There are good people. There are things that brings us comfort and joy…and even there is beauty, too, in the things that bring us pain. Pain, sometimes, reminds us that we can feel. That we are achingly alive.
I’m grateful for this body, this life, this glass of wine, the ability to sit at my computer and write these words.
And I am grateful, even in the sorrow and the struggle, that I don’t know what is going to happen next. That not-knowing is exciting. I’s beautiful.
It’s ripe.
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So.
That’s what on my mind today. That’s where I’m at. Good wine, tacos and taquitos, a lovely body, and a growing awareness that there is beauty in the now. Whatever it is. However simple it is. There is wonder in this moment.
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ABOUT TANYA EBY
Tanya Eby is a writer, a tiny poet (she’s not tiny. She writes tiny poems), a narrator, a cook, a mom, a friend. She is also tipsy while writing this. She’d love to know what you are thankful for…what lights you up. Share your thoughts here, share the blog, what have you.