Blogging is Cheaper than Therapy

On my run this morning I was huffing and puffing and sweating just lacing my shoes. Muggy out. Like someone breathing on you. And there I went. 2 minutes later, I was covered in sweat and trying to focus my brain cells on something other than the pain and stupidity of running.

Why was I doing this to myself? WHY? Because I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 150 pounds. Christ. How did this happen? I think I know. I broke up with my husband, started eating food that made me happy, stopped exercising because I've been so busy getting my career ignited, and I've been drinking wine. A lot of wine. So now...I'm fat....but happy.

There's the tradeoff I guess. 

Grrrrr.

I also growl a lot now when I'm not questioning every decision I've ever made.

An Example of How my Brain Works (aka obsessing)

BRAIN: I'm going to record an audio version of my book that I've just self-published! "Easy Does It" audio version is going to be fantastic!

BRAIN WHILE RECORDING: Holy moly. I sound horrible. This is terrible. Horrible!! The Horror!

BRAIN AFTER RECORDING: That was fun. I loved that.

BRAIN TWO DAYS AFTER RECORDING: Why did I do that? WHY? No one's going to listen to it. Or worse, what if they listen to it and hate it?

TWO SECONDS LATER, BRAIN: Everyone hates me. I'm a loser. I need to eat something. And drink. I need to eat and drink.

BRAIN WHILE EATING FROZEN CHOCOLATE CAKE AND DRINKING RED WINE: I love you. I love me. I love my life.

BRAIN AFTER EATING: I am a loser.

You can pretty much change the example by taking out the recording thing and adding in any of the following: Why did I self-publish Easy Does It, Why do I write?, Why did I say I'd give a staged reading?, Why did I say I'd teach a creative writing class?, Why did I decide to be single again?, WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE????

Hmm.

BRAIN WHILE WRITING THIS: Just go on Xanax, Tanya. Your mom says it's great.