On my run this morning I was huffing and puffing and sweating just lacing my shoes. Muggy out. Like someone breathing on you. And there I went. 2 minutes later, I was covered in sweat and trying to focus my brain cells on something other than the pain and stupidity of running.
Why was I doing this to myself? WHY? Because I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 150 pounds. Christ. How did this happen? I think I know. I broke up with my husband, started eating food that made me happy, stopped exercising because I've been so busy getting my career ignited, and I've been drinking wine. A lot of wine. So now...I'm fat....but happy.
There's the tradeoff I guess.
I also growl a lot now when I'm not questioning every decision I've ever made.
An Example of How my Brain Works (aka obsessing)
BRAIN: I'm going to record an audio version of my book that I've just self-published! "Easy Does It" audio version is going to be fantastic!
BRAIN WHILE RECORDING: Holy moly. I sound horrible. This is terrible. Horrible!! The Horror!
BRAIN AFTER RECORDING: That was fun. I loved that.
BRAIN TWO DAYS AFTER RECORDING: Why did I do that? WHY? No one's going to listen to it. Or worse, what if they listen to it and hate it?
TWO SECONDS LATER, BRAIN: Everyone hates me. I'm a loser. I need to eat something. And drink. I need to eat and drink.
BRAIN WHILE EATING FROZEN CHOCOLATE CAKE AND DRINKING RED WINE: I love you. I love me. I love my life.