Nothing said romance and sophistication like a foreign language.
Kevin Masters couldn’t believe his eyes. He’d watched the video twelve times and he still couldn’t believe it. He’d found the perfect woman for his brother Dan: a woman who Dan couldn’t go wrong with. Here was a woman who might actually get his brother to leave the house wearing something other than sweatpants and his ‘I Believe in Aliens’ t-shirt. Here was a woman poised on a couch like a cat in heat, basically begging for a one-night-no-commitment stand.
And that’s exactly what Dan needed: a relationship with a woman that wasn’t a relationship. What Dan needed was to be more like Kevin, but Kevin had been the one blessed with the good looks and charm and the ability to know what a woman wants. Any woman. And he’d had enough one-night stands to rival James Bond. In fact, if Kevin really thought about it, he actually was James Bond; he even had high-tech gadgets to prove it.
Kevin rubbed his hands together in excitement. He pressed print on the computer, and waited for the sputtering of the woman’s picture. She was something else. And because he knew what a woman wanted, he knew exactly what it would take to reel her in. He was tempted to post his own video asking for a hook-up, but he’d promised himself he’d find someone for his brother. So, he was forced to send a written response instead. He signed in with his brother’s email and wrote the woman back.
Dear Easy Lady,
You look like my kind of sock. Red, silky,
and luscious. Just what I want to wrap
my feet up in.
Dan the Man
Kevin knew it wasn’t exactly a poetic email, but this woman wasn’t looking for poetry. She was looking for a man who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Of course, he was doing this for his brother, and it would be Dan who sat across from this spicy vixen and not Kevin. But Kevin would derive the pleasure of seeing his brother finally score, knowing all along that without him, Dan would stay at home and read that classic literature baloney while listening to weird piano music on the radio. Kevin reread his brilliant email and then added a P.S.
P.S. Let’s make this real easy. Meet me.
Tomorrow. Saturday night. 8pm. Bella Vita,
where we can have a drink, some conversation,
and then a bella noche.
That last part was the clincher. The “bella noche”. Nothing said Bring It On lilke a couple of Italian words. Kevin had developed three very convincing accents for just this purpose. He tilted back in his chair and smiled broadly. “Yo, Dan!” he called to his brother who was in the living room messing with his Rubik’s Cube. He played with that thing so much he’d probably go blind. “We’re going out tomorrow night. I just snagged you a date.”