Easy Does It #13 Low quality beer, a picture of a johnson & an invitation to dinner.

Chapter 13

Low quality beer, a picture of a man’s johnson and an invitation to dinner.



            Julie woke up when the sun was high enough to pierce her drawn shades and send rays of light over her eyes. She was sprawled on her couch and was still wearing what would forevermore be referred to as her Easy Teddy. She swept the sleep from her eyes, yawned, and slipped her feet into her stuffed bumblebee slippers to schlep to the kitchen.

             Eve was still passed out. Sometime late last night, Eve must have improvised and used two pizza boxes in place of a pillow, as her face was smashed into the top of a box while she slept soundly. Julie vaguely remembered eating pizza even before Eve showed up to help her wade through her emails. Then other vague memories began to surface in the haze of her mind. “Eve!  Eve, wake up!” she said as she reached over and shook Eve’s shoulder.

            Eve slowly lifted her head up and her eyes squinted open. “Where the hell am I?” She turned to Julie and blinked. “Who the hell are you?”

            “Very funny. So…do you have any recollection of what we did last night?”

            “Did you make me a woman?”

            “You were a woman long before I met you. No. I’m serious. Do you seriously remember what we did last night?”

            Eve nodded and smacked her lips together. She stood up, stumbled over to the fridge and opened the freezer door. She poked her head in, looking for something and said, “Of course I remember. Low quality beer, a picture of a man’s Johnson, and an invitation to dinner. Am I forgetting something?” She pulled her head out of the freezer and turned to Julie. Julie did not respond.

            “I can’t go,” Julie said. “What was I thinking? I can’t meet that guy. He’s probably a stalker. I’ve heard stories. You know…crazy men, married men, men who like to wear high heels and pigtails. Let’s forget it and do something else tonight.”

            Eve shook her head, closed the freezer, and opened the fridge. Again, she peered earnestly inside the fridge, searching for something deep in its recesses. “Nope.  Sorry. It’s not that easy…Easy Lady. You’re going to meet this guy. You’ll be fine. I’ll carry pepper spray and zap him over the fettuccini if he even looks at you funny. Besides, you promised. And if you look at your computer screen there’s a little sticky note waiting for you because I got your promise in writing.” Eve shut the fridge and opened the stove.

            “Eve!” Julie said.  Her voice was sharper than she’d intended, but she was irritated that once again she signed a promise while she was intoxicated. “What on earth are you looking for?” 

            Eve closed the stove. “I smell pepperoni,” she replied. “It’s making me hungry.”

            “That’s you, Eve. You smell like pepperoni.”

            Eve lifted her t-shirt to her nose, and inhaled. “How about that?” Eve asked. “I always said I was good enough to eat. Make me an omelet, would you? Then after that, we can go to my store and find you something to wear.”