So last week, my website was hacked. Don’t worry. It didn’t do anything totally evil, just mildly evil. Like, chafing-ly evil. When I’d try to promote the blog on Facebook, instead of quoting from the blog I wrote, there’d be random quotes about Viagra. Not even with a link or anything, just random words. Why would someone do that? What’s the point? Because of that, I haven’t been blogging. I didn’t want someone to ‘like’ a post and then have my blog look like it was some Erectile Dysfunction hotspot. (Although maybe my blog would get a lot more action then. Har har.) But I’ve missed blogging. Really.
And then I was teaching and narrating this week. It was, as expected, exhausting. Thursday I left the house at 7:15 AM and after driving, narrating all day, and then teaching a night class, I didn’t get home until 9:30 PM. I guess I know how lawyers feel now.
Then I had classes where the students seemed not only not interested and invested in the class, but as if they were mildly stoned. Actually, that would’ve been better, because then they would ‘ve at least been laughing. There’s nothing worse then presenting material to a class, trying to engage them in discussion, and hearing pure silence coming back to you—though actually, it wasn’t PURE silence. I might’ve heard them blinking. It was awful.
Then I spiraled into the whole “Oh, why am I even teaching?” As an adjunct, I’m making a third of what I made before…and I’m spending so much time and energy trying to ‘inspire’ and ‘educate’ that I don’t have time to ‘inspire’ and ‘educate’ myself.
That sorta sounds like a euphemism for masturbation. It’s not. Though I don’t even have the energy for THAT. It’s too much of a commitment.
What I mean is, I’m spending so much time reading, prepping, driving, trying to entertain/educate/inspire my students, that I don’t have any Writing Juju left.
I wanted to be working on my literary novel now. I wanted to work on some short stories and get those submitted. But…
I sit down at the computer and all I want to do is nap, then cry, then eat, then try to do all three at once. There’s no creativity flowing in me right now. No inspiration.
There’s just a general sense of unease. Maybe even gas.
Add to that some family stresses…and…you can see why I’m gorging on X Factor, The Voice, and American Horror Story re-runs. That’s been my week. The last three weeks actually.
Here’s hoping I can find some kind of routine in all of this chaos. I love teaching; I do. It’s just starting to feel like I’m trying to connect with ghosts, and I am no Medium.
I’m not even feeling much like a Writer right now.
I sorta just feel like a middle-aged mom/wife sitting in a pink bathrobe drinking coffee…and who wants to read about that?