Kealoha's Bacchanal

It began with chicken & wild rice soup (homemade) and watching “The Following” on our DVR. Then Kealoha decided to fix himself a drink and I poured myself a glass of expensive wine ($15 a bottle! Whoa!). “I’ll be down in a minute” he said so I waited downstairs, trying not to munch on the Caesar salad with greens from our CSA and my homemade croutons. (I’m very proud that I’ve actually had time to cook some decent food.)

It took him forever to come downstairs. My soup and salad were calling to "come to me"...with French accents, and it’s very hard to resist a French accent, especially when it’s your lettuce speaking to you. What the hell was taking him so long?

Twenty minutes later he came down carrying a very tall drink. “I made my own Long Island Iced Tea,” he said, grinning.

 Long Island Iced Tea

And the spiral began.


There were six shots of alcohol in his drink and I have never seen Kealoha so drunk. We were like college kids laughing inappropriately at “The Following”. If you watch that show, then you know we were drunk on account of it’s about a serial killer cult. Last night it was hysterical though.

The Following is hysterical...if you've had six shots of booze. Otherwise, it's creepy.


It was also hysterical watching Kealoha try to hold himself up by clinging to the wall, and proving that he wasn’t drunk by walking in a straight-ish line…only he walked in slow motion. You know when they show men walking on the moon? That was Kelaoha in our kitchen. One small step for man, one tiny step in slow motion while hanging onto the counter for Kealoha. In fact, I recorded Kealoha walking in our kitchen. Here's the footage:


On his second drink (when I was upstairs doing dishes) I heard him squeal, “I’ve done it! I’ve beat spellcheck! I’m typing so fast spellcheck can’t stop me!” And then he laughed maniacally.


 I don’t remember much after that except I woke up on the couch wearing some weird 1950s outfit and there were suspicious remains of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich scattered around the floor.


I found Kealoha outside singing to the moon, which wasn’t a moon at all, but someone’s closed curtain.


This is what happens when the kids are away for a week. And this is only day 2.