Me, Kealoha, And Our Heated Conversation Over Master Chef

Yesterday, Kealoha and I celebrated my birthday with serious drama and intensity. We went to the Farmer’s Market, had BLTs for lunch, took naps, and then got gussied up for a planned bacchanal. We had San Chez for dinner and that was just the start of the insanity. We ate at 5PM, were home by 7, in pajamas by 7:05, and watching Master Chef by 7:10. It was so INTENSE. Sometimes, the writer in me sits back and listens to Kealoha and I talk. There’s so much excitement and intricate plotting going on. I mean, you could write an entire suspense-novel based on the conversations we have. Consider last night’s discussion while watching MasterChef.



KEALOHA: Oh man. They’re going to make tiramisu and strawberry shortcake.

ME: That’s nothing. I’d be worried about making a trifle.

KEALOHA: You make a great trifle.

ME: I have NEVER made a trifle. I refuse to make trifle. It has like JELLO in it.


Pause while we watch the contestants make various desserts and then bring them to the judges for tasting.


ME: Oh my god! No! NoooOOOOOO! She didn’t!! She put macadamia nuts in a tiramisu? Is she crazy? I mean, that’s like Hawaiian. And crunchy. In a tiramisu!!

KEALOHA: (getting angry) She can’t do that! What is she THINKING? You aren't supposed to be clever with an elimination round. It's about TECHNIQUE.

ME: And look at it! It looks like a brain. A tiramisu is not supposed to be crunchy. She’s going home. She’s totally going home. You don’t do that. Nuts in a tiramisu. I mean, COME ON. Oh, but she's crying. She's really cute when she cries.

 Pause while we watch some more. The trifle watching is VERY exciting. No one seems to have gotten it right.

ME: Anise in a trifle? Seriously? What is going on? Someone stop the insanity!!!

At this point, there is so much drama that I have to take a break and run upstairs and wash my face. I meditate a bit upstairs to control my growing anger. Then I run back downstairs and finish the show. I assume while I'm gone that Kealoha is reminding himself not to take MasterChef personally. It's not about HIM. 

KEALOHA: I’m not surprised he got booted off.

ME: I know. Right? You want to watch Mad Men now?





And that, my friends, is just ONE of our deeply heated, energized conversations. I’m thinking of writing an entire novel based on us watching TV. It’s going to sell MILLIONS, I just know it.

Nuts in a tiramisu. Really.