My Love/Hate Relationship with Valentine's Day

Ahhhh. Valentine’s Day. It’s the Day of Love or the Day of Heartbreak or the Day of Venereal Diseases, depending on your perspective. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Valentine’s Day (excuse the pun) mostly because I don’t want to have expectations for it, but I always do.

When I was single (and for some reason I always seemed to be single on VDay) it seemed like everyone around me was walking and skipping and in l-o-v-e. It was very annoying. It almost seemed like a personal affront, like the world was saying “See how in love everyone is, Tanya? And look at you! Your pants are tight and your feet are cold and you have no one to warm them up against.” I assume my inner voice was talking about warming up my feet and not my pants.

I didn’t want to be depressed on Valentine’s Day…and yet…every hour that ticked by and there was no declaration of love from a secret admirer, I slipped down the hill into a little crevice of depression. When you’re alone and lonely and you don’t want to be, Valentine’s Day is unbearable. It’s like having a massive toothache. You just pray for it to be over.

Now I’ve got Kealoha in my life and Valentine’s Day doesn’t seem to be as much of a big deal. Maybe because I don’t need to have constant reassurance that he loves me. He shows me that every day with all the little things he says and does (without my asking him to). I know he loves me when he shovels and fixes things, when he eats anything I cook and says it’s good. When he reads to my kids, or plays Fashion Barbie with Simone. I know he loves me when he curls up next to me or rubs my back. I don’t need chocolates or flowers from him (although I wouldn’t say no to them). And that’s a nice place to be.

I think Valentine’s Day in theory is a great idea. Tell people you love them. Show them that you love them. But I don’t think you should save your love and spend it all on one day. One day of balloons and teddy bears and chocolate doesn’t make up for all the rest. Real love shows itself in the tiny things, the sweet comments, the shared glances, the reassuring touches.

And if you’re feeling a little lonely on this day, hang in there. If anyone is proof that love can come for you even if you’re weird and neurotic and slightly obsessive, I’m proof of it. Just remember, today is just a day and it will pass…and unlike a toothache, you don’t have to yank out anything to ease the pain. That’s got to be good for something.

I leave you with this video. This makes me happy, the idea of singing and dancing even if you really can’t. (Note Norton’s dancing. It’s genius.) And I also like the cheesy idea that life is like a bad musical number. And like Valentine's Day, you'll either love this clip or hate it. I totally love it.