One of my earliest bad poems

You all know I'm a fan of bad poetry. It's just so luscious. So satisfying. And if you can't write good poems (which I can't) you ought to enjoy being bad at it. I enjoy it all the time. On Facebook yesterday, my childhood friend Melissa posted this poem. Apparently she found it in a box of stuff. I even signed the poem, probably thinking one day I'd be famous. I must've convinced her because she's kept it for twenty years.

I must've been ten or eleven when I wrote this. Maybe a bit older.

Melissa and my mom were great friends, then we became friends first because of pressure, and then because of choice. She was older and wiser and more sophisticated than me. We lived across the street from each other for a time. She lived in a cute Victorian house. I remember there were completed puzzles all over the walls. And she had a collection of 45 records. Is that what they're called? She introduced me to the song "I'm Your Venus" by the classic band Bananarama. I was shocked when I heard it. I thought it said "I'm your penis".

I was a homely little girl. I was, as some of you know, often mistaken for a boy. Getting my hair cut at the barber's didn't help. Melissa, though, was glamorous. She wore makeup and had curly hair and knew stuff. One day she even did a makeover on me. A real 1980s Bad Movie kind of makeover with huge hair and full makeup. I remember going to school and reading to my little 1st grader buddy and my buddy saying "You look different today. You look so pretty."

I don't remember writing this poem, but I do remember one line. I'm sure it was inspired by our frequent games of Monopoly in which Melissa often beat me. I found my revenge though...through words.

Even as a preteen, I was pretty good at bad poetry. Here it is:

Monopoly by Tanya Eby

As we sat face to face I saw the joy come over her. She smiled I frowned she laughed I cried, somehow. She took my house she took my land she took my money too. She laughed I cried I shot her she died. So, now I sit here with nothing to do 'cause I just went bankrupt, somehow Oh, all this happened in just one day over a simple game of Monopoly...