I’m not exactly sure WHY it occurred to me that I should see what I looked like upside down. I was taking a shower and I sorta just wondered I wonder what I’d look like upside down. Maybe because on The Voice they had freaky aerialists or something. Or maybe because of all the random bungee jumping I do. Whatever. I wanted to know, and so when I was done with my shower, I decided to find out. I went to the mirror.
(Just so this visual isn’t particularly horrendous, you need to know I WAS NOT NAKED while attempting this. No. I had on my yoga pants and a t-shirt. Just so we’re CLEAR.)
Anyway. I turned around, bent over, and sure enough, there’s what I would look like upside down. This is really the first and only time I've done yoga. I sorta did this, only without the good balance and firm tummy:
I gasped. And then I started choking a little bit because it turns out when you’re upside down, it’s easy to choke ESPECIALLY if you gasp.
I looked, how do I put this? HORRIBLE. I mean, like a bloated sea creature. It was like the extra weight around my belly and even my ankles crept up into my cheeks. My face sort of slid and my cheeks looked huge and puffy and then I started turning all RED (of course I was sort of choking at the time).
Anyone who tells you that gravity isn’t your friend is a LIAR. Gravity is a beautiful thing. It keeps your face in place. Put that on a t-shirt.
In closing, I don’t recommend doing this.
On second thought, if you look even half as bad as I did upside down, you will feel absolutely GORGEOUS when right side up. It actually was an exercise that did wonders for my self-esteem. It’s probably good for your safety too, because there is no way in hell I will now ever be an aerialist, a bungee jumper, or install one of those weird swings in my bedroom (sorry Kealoha).
From here on out, everything is looking up. Exactly where it should be.