I've been quite the grumbler lately. Imagine me in a white tank top and cutoff jean shorts, hairy legs, belly sticking out, in slippers. Put some curlers in my hair, and while you're at it, put a real grumpy look on my face. That's pretty much been my appearance (at least spiritually) these last few weeks, and with good reason too. Really!
Here's a list: over a two week period of time my ex told me he was remarrying ASAP, I had to meet his fiance and start developing a relationship with her for the sake of the kids (she's nice), my teaching gig was about to come to an end and I was facing no job and...once the divorce is finally finalized...no health insurance. Then, just because the universe is a real funny gal, my landlord wrote me saying "Oh, yeah, I'm going to put the house up for sale".
The only thing that would have made this even more stressful was if I'd actually stuck to that cabbage soup detox diet, but luckily I gave that up.
I really felt beat up. Really. Like someone physically tossed me against a wall. And I felt like all these things were happening TO me, all these things that were beyond my control. I couldn't MAKE my ex not remarry, I couldn't rewind time and make him not date for a few more months. I couldn't FORCE someone to hire me. I couldn't change my landlord's mind. All I could do was Deal With It.
I'd like to say I handled it beautifully. That I was a princess of sorts. You know though, those princesses, I'm pretty sure it's an act. Put any girl in a fancy dress with lots of makeup and she'll look all right, but inside, man, inside is what counts. I was no princess. I felt pretty much hopeless.
Now, my teaching contract has been renewed, I have two narration gigs, my ex's fiance is very nice, and though the holidays are coming and I'm not dating or in love, I have my kids and my health and my family and my friends...And I may celebrate by buying one of those crazy beer hats with the straws. (If I can refill it with liquid chocolate.) What I'm saying here is the Universe? She's a Beast, but every once in a while, she can be a real Beauty too.