2 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back, Everybody Dance! UPDATED

I pulled this blog.

Why? Because it was hurtful. And that's not the person I want to be. Sure, we need to vent, but I'm still trying to figure out the line between venting as therapy and venting as attacking. Was this blog an attack? Not on purpose, but that doesn't free me from the fact that it was hurtful.

There are a lot of great things about my ex and Abby. Things I need to start focusing on. Unlike a lot of divorced families we do, for the most part, work as a team in giving our children the best, most healthy lives. My mom and stepmom never met to discuss scheduling. My dad was never around. My kids have two families that love them.

And over the last year, Abby took me to the emergency when I broke my foot and my ex watched the kids. She talks to me; acknowledges my role and importance in the kids' lives. We work on scheduling together. We're planning a birthday party for my son. We're taking care of the kids' health needs. There's a lot that we do right. And P. (as awkward as it has been) is supportive of us building a relationship for the kids. And this morning, we all met to talk about the blog I deleted and our feelings.

That's pretty extraordinary. And wonderful.

I want the kind of life for my kids where, again, they exist in a sphere of love. Abby and my ex are a part of that...and I'm working really hard to stop being so angry.

It's what I see Dr. Dave about. It's what I write about. I'm getting there, little by little, but I need to do so gently.

So. I am sorry for being and feeling angry and hateful...but maybe it was a breakthrough of sorts too. Maybe this was the moment where my ex, Abby and I finally became a unit working for the kids and not against each other.

That's pretty extraordinary too.