Walk with Katie Pt. 1: Dog Whisperer, Naked Man Ass, etc.

I went on a walk with a good friend last night. It was 8PM and getting dark. We decided to walk to the Big Rock by Reed’s Lake. I totally didn’t want to go as I was aching for fuzzy pajamas, a glass of wine, and a little personal time with my TV and futon. (Not THAT kind of personal time, people. Just, you know, vegging time.) But I went on the walk anyway. I’m glad I did.

There’s something great about getting your body moving especially when you’ve been sitting all day. I’m convinced that as you sit, your ass begins to spread. It’s like the Blob. If you don’t stand up and control it, your ass will take over everything. BECAUSE IT CAN. So, it felt good to control the beast a bit. I’m pretty sure walking helps make it shrink. Or at least look perkier.

What was I talking about?

Oh! Asses.

(Side note: Naked Man Ass makes me laugh. I’ve never seen a Naked Man Ass that wasn’t in a magazine or on a romance novel that looks the least bit sexy.)

Back to the story.

I got Katie and we walked from her house. I immediately pressed the timer on my watch. She said: “I thought you weren’t wearing your watch anymore. I thought you promised in your blog you weren’t going to wear it.” I dropped to my knees in a Charleton Heston-esque pose and screamed to the gods: Damn you blog!! On the other hand, I was super excited that she reads my blog.

We walked. Talked about our kids. Katie has been watching the Dog Whisperer. She has seven cats. (She’s fostering five of them. Anyone need a cute kitten?) “Uh, are you going to get a dog?” I asked.

She looked at me like I was insane. “No! I’m using it to train my son. See, I have this theory that boys are like pack animals and if I use the same techniques as the Dog Whisperer, maybe I’ll stop stressing out so much.”

I stopped walking for a second. I couldn’t breathe. It was bloody brilliant! We started walking again. She went on to give me examples. “See, the Dog Whisperer says dogs need Exercise, Discipline then Encouragement.” Actually I forget the last one, but it was something like that.

We talked about this. My own son has been giving me lots of attitude. Last weekend he screamed that I was a horrible mother, he wanted to run away, and I was fat. Why? Well, he has trouble transitioning between houses. And he was mad that his dad house has a Wii and his stepbrother. And maybe because I have gained a little weight. But then after Louis had some exercise, a time out, some affection and a good nap, then I was back to being The Best Mom Ever! Maybe there was something to this Dog Whisperer thing. Katie said she’s just trying to be calm and consistent. I get that. I like it. I’m going to try it out. If I press the timer on my watch, I’ll know just how long I can do it for. Blast! I’m not supposed to wear the watch!


Then we talked about relationships. Which I’ll put in my next post, because, well, I love my left hand and it’s getting awfully tired from typing. (My right hand is pretty strong from lots of use.)

Wait a minute! That sounds dirty. It’s not. I’m a Righty.

To Be Continued….