Why Is Taking A Break From Social Media So Scary?
When I started a new elementary school in 4th grade, it was hard. I was scared and didn’t have any friends. Making friends was tough for me. I was a weird kid: kinda intense, didn’t play the way other kids did. I liked to read and create stories and wasn’t interested in much else. So on my way to school, I’d stop at Little Bo’s and use my lunch money to buy candy. I remember handing out candy to everyone, and because I’d spent my lunch money on that, I’d go without a lunch. While I was handing it out, I’d have kids all around me. I was popular. But when the candy was gone, my new friends were gone too. They never stayed, but they showed back up the next day when I had a new bag of candy.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately in terms of social media (but also in terms of relationships). I’ve spent a lot of time and energy trying to convince people to love me, oftentimes to the point where I wasn’t feeding myself. Social media for me at first, was a way to connect with family. I don’t have much family, so that never did much for me, but everything changed when it became evident that I needed to connect with the audiobook community if I had any hopes of getting hired outside Michigan. At the time I worked for one company, and they suddenly stopped hiring me (due to my participation in getting a union contract). So social media very quickly became a need, and it also became a fear.
I did make genuine connections through sharing updates, but there’s always the pressure of feeling like if I don’t post something, they’ll forget about me, and I won’t get hired again. If I don’t give everyone candy, I’ll be entirely alone.
Social media platforms were a vibrant place for a while. A rewarding way to make connections. But it’s changed. I’ve changed in how I respond to it. I get triggered. I’m pummeled with ads in my feeds and nonstop manipulative political content. It’s getting harder and harder to make those real connections because social media is so mired in muck. And I feel like I have to post more and more in hopes of being heard and seen. Even when I post more and more, I never really feel heard or seen. I don’t go viral. Going viral has become acknowledgment of worth, and you have no control over whether you go viral or not. Except it’s easy to think you’re not good enough or clever enough if you don’t get 10,000 likes.
Social media is starting to make me feel like I don’t matter. And that’s not healthy.
So I’m taking a couple weeks off of constantly posting. Just to see what happens. Just to see how I feel. It scares me, doing this, because I’m afraid I’ll be forgotten. That’s a sign to me that it’s become an unhealthy pattern. And one I need to take a deeper look at. Is it true I won’t ever be hired again? Or are there other ways I can connect and stay relevant?
Already this morning was strange. Instead of scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, Hive….I sat on my couch with my dogs and looked through the pile of catalogs that have been accumulating. On my break, instead of posting, I’m writing this blog. When I took my dog to the vet, I read a cooking magazine. These little things were really lovely and soothing, and something I haven’t had time for.
Already, I feel a little more space in my life that wasn’t there before. I have a little more time.
I’m still panicked about it. I fear not being relevant, of losing work, of the effects of not promoting myself. But I’m also curious to see that what if I stopped feeding everyone candy? Who will stay? Maybe the true friends just need the opportunity and opening to approach me. Maybe I just need to be still enough to be available.
We’ll see. At any rate, it’s Day One of Social Media Vacation, and I’m just starting to relax, and that feels really, really good. I *like*it.
ABOUT TANYA
Tanya Eby is an award-winning narrator and USA Today Bestselling author. She lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan with her two quirky kids and dogs.
FOR FURTHER READING
Check out Andi Arndt’s substack. She has a great article on Social Media Philosophy.