Changes to your ad will be reviewed!
Julie watched the video again.
She could not believe it.
Did she do that? No. She didn’t. Wait. Maybe she…She remembered her epiphany about socks and men. She remembered writing the ad and then thinking it worked better as a script. She remembered drinking a glass or two of wine to gain the courage to push the submit button. And now she was vaguely seeing herself setting up her cell phone and trying to figure out how to get the blasted thing to record a video.
Julie looked down and saw that she was wearing a red negligee that she’d bought on sale at Victoria’s Secret a year ago. Eve told her that if she felt sexy on the inside she’d emanate sexiness on the outside, so Julie bought the lingerie. She’d worn it once, for an hour or so, and waited to emanate sexiness, but the feeling she emanated was closer to itchiness as the lace chafed the inside of her thighs. And now look at her, sitting at her computer drinking wine and wearing a red teddy. She might as well be posed on the couch looking like a…
Wait! She had posed on the couch and recorded a video. And her thighs were chafing.
Frantically Julie signed into her account and scrawled a new ad to replace the hideous fiasco of Easy Lady Requests Guy with Two Socks. Since she was now sober, or relatively so, Julie thought she could delete the video, write something a simple non-offensive ad, something that would capture who she was really looking for, and forget about last night entirely.
And what (or who) was she looking for exactly?
She was looking for someone to make Ronny jealous. That was all.
And so she wrote an ad that said the truth:
Hi there. I’m a nice, sweet down-to-earth girl
looking for someone to get to know over time.
I like reading and writing and cooking and
going for long walks on the beach. I appreciate
fine wine, fine food, and fine conversation.
In five years I want to own a house and start on a family.
God. Was Ronny right about her? Was she boring? Predictable? Was this the ad of a woman who sucked the marrow from life? Julie shrugged. Maybe it wasn’t exciting, but it was the truth…except for the part about going for long walks on the beach. She liked to read at the beach, but not walk. And she should have mentioned that she was obsessed with cooking, and not a good cook. And she should have put in there a little bit about her affection for the world of Star Trek…from the polyester 1960’s series to the dark Deep Space Nine. In Star Trek, at least, there was a code people lived by. And no one was a rock star.
She hit Edit Ad and tried to delete the video. It wouldn’t delete. She tried to post her new written ad to replace it, but something wasn’t working. Ah, the submit button. She submitted, she really did. She pressed the button. A message popped up onscreen that, if it had a voice, would no doubt have that perky cheerleader type voice she so hated:
Thank you so much! Changes to your ad will be reviewed!
If accepted, your changes will appear in 3-5 business days.
Three to five days? Three to five business days! Julie quickly did the calculations: it was Friday night. That meant her ad would remain as is until…Monday. Until next week!
An instant message chimed on her screen. It was Eve.
LadyEve: Nice video.
Julie1976: Oh god. You’ve seen it.
LadyEve: Me and about 300 others.
LadyEve: It’s on YouTube. How many responses you get?
Julie1976: I hate my life.
LadyEve: Must be a lot.
Julie1976: My life is a shipwreck.
LadyEve: It’s hysterical. My favorite part is the bit about your knockers.
Julie1976: What if someone I know sees this? How can I go to work with Bud knowing what I look like nearly naked and drunk off my ass? What if I’m walking down the street and some guy gives me a sock and asks me for a quickie? I never should have listened to you….I hate….
At that point, Julie’s cell phone rang. She answered by completing her previous thought: “I hate my life and right now I really hate you for getting me into this.” She could hear Eve laugh on the other line.
“I did not get you into this. It’s all you, sweets. In fact, I warned you not to drink and operate heavy machinery.”
“I thought that meant don’t drink and drive.”
“It also means don’t drink and operate a camera. Ever. So. What’s the damage? How many emails did you get?”
Julie moved her cursor over to her mailbox. In spite of herself, her heart did a quick skip. “One hundred seventy-eight.”
“Holy shit, woman! You’re a movie star!”
“Yeah. And that’s up from only a hundred and fourteen like fifteen minutes ago!” Julie couldn’t help but smile. She’d never had so much attention in her life. True, it was a completely misleading ad and she probably wouldn’t want to talk to the kind of person who would respond to it, but…still. Nearly two hundred men found her interesting. Titillating. Over the course of one night, Julie had transformed herself into a vixen. She sort of liked becoming someone she wasn’t, especially since no one online was exactly who they said they were anyway. It reminded her of her college days when she and Eve were in the Dracula Musical together. She’d been really good in that, she remembered. Eve had played Mina and Julie had been a remarkably believable maid.
“You’re smiling aren’t you?” Eve asked. “I can tell you’re sitting there feeling all happy. I told you you’d get a response! See! Who needs Ronny?”
Eve was right. Since she’d posted her ad, Julie hadn’t thought once of Ronny or his orgasm face or how miserable she was without him. In fact, she hadn’t thought of Ronny at all. “Come over,” Julie said. “I need you to help weed through these. This could be fun. We’ll see how many whackos are out there.”