Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

Okay. So I’ve taken time off from the blog for a few reasons.  

1)   On our way to the writing conference, I checked my ‘platform’ numbers. Publishers like to know how many friends you have on Twitter and Facebook and what your website hits are. It’s annoying, but part of the industry. I thought the blog was doing really well, and then I looked at the numbers and saw there’s about 200 visits a month. Then I got all embarrassed because I’d need like 10,000 hits a month or something for a publisher to even blink.

 

2)   I needed time off to work on my memoir. Memoir writing is depressing and hard, but I guess therapeutic. But after working on that, the idea of sitting down and writing more about my day-to-day life just seemed, I dunno, indulgent. Like, annoying-indulgent. Like, why-is-she-showing-us-all-her-back-hair indulgent.

3)   I’ve been trying to pull back on the time I’m at the computer so I can ‘be more present’ with the kids when they’re here, and then prep audiobooks and narrate when they’re not.

4)   I don’t know what my blog’s Point of View is anymore. When people ask me what I write about, I just say, uh….my stuff.  Then I get nervous because then I wonder if they think I mean that I write about my vagina, which I don’t. My vagina does not have a blog, although I bet if it did, it could get at least 300 hits a month.

I’m really not moody OR going through an existential crisis. It’s just blogging takes a lot of time and energy and writing mojo.

Once I figure out more of the stuff to write about, I will. I mean, I have this kick ass trip to New York coming up to go to the Audies. And I might post excerpts from the memoir. And summer is coming, as soon as spring can stick around and I still have that food blog with three more dips to post and…I don’t know.

Maybe I shouldn’t look at the numbers anymore. Maybe I should stop trying to be this big ‘success’ with my blog and books, and return to writing just because I love it.

The Flu. A Teachable Moment.

If I were speaking, this blog would be punctuated with hacking coughs, occasional sneezes, and general stomach-churning throat clearing. Luckily, I am not reading this, nor do I have to narrate for another week—that’s a good thing because my voice is about as sexy right now as Joe Biden with his shirt off. (The horror)  

I’ve spent the last four days moving from the basement couch to the upstairs couch and have had various hallucinations due to sinus medication. I’ve gone through two boxes of Kleenex, and my fair share of my Netflix queue.

This experience has not been for naught. While suffering from the flu, I’ve learned a few things which I will now share with you.

1)   Having the flu is an excellent time for a Hitchcock marathon. I’m glad I purchased a boxset for myself for an ‘emergency’. I watched “The Birds”, “North by Northwest” and “Psycho”. I learned (or was reminded) that Hitchcock heroines are cold mofos who have manicures that match their lipstick. I am envious of this. I also learned:

1. “Psycho” is still brilliant.
2. “North by Northwest” has a great drunken driving scene with Cary Grant mugging for the camera. It made me warm and happy.
3. “The Birds” is a weird movie. Tippi Hedren proves that you can be beautiful and blank even when birds are trying to peck your eyes out.

2)   You can’t snap out of the flu the way you snap out of drinking too much. There’s no sobering up. You just have to suffer.

3)   If there is ever a plague, I will get it. And I will get it hard.

4)   When you can’t taste anything, even chocolate will taste bad. This will cause you deep sorrow. The only thing that will work for you is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And tea.

5)   If you have to be sick, it’s nice to be sick with someone who loves you unconditionally and doesn’t tell you you look like a beached porpoise while you’re panting on the couch, feverish, and stripped down to your skivvies.

I’m trying to take it easy. It’s really hard. I have so many things to do, like record another book, and exercise, and get groceries. Kealoha keeps warning me to stop, take it easy, slow down. So. I’ll try. Today I’ll watch “Vertigo” and “Rear Window” and try to work on my memoir. I’m thinking my slight hallucinations from cough medicine will enhance my writing with some excellent ‘memories’ of my days in the circus.