If I were speaking, this blog would be punctuated with hacking coughs, occasional sneezes, and general stomach-churning throat clearing. Luckily, I am not reading this, nor do I have to narrate for another week—that’s a good thing because my voice is about as sexy right now as Joe Biden with his shirt off. (The horror)
I’ve spent the last four days moving from the basement couch to the upstairs couch and have had various hallucinations due to sinus medication. I’ve gone through two boxes of Kleenex, and my fair share of my Netflix queue.
This experience has not been for naught. While suffering from the flu, I’ve learned a few things which I will now share with you.
1) Having the flu is an excellent time for a Hitchcock marathon. I’m glad I purchased a boxset for myself for an ‘emergency’. I watched “The Birds”, “North by Northwest” and “Psycho”. I learned (or was reminded) that Hitchcock heroines are cold mofos who have manicures that match their lipstick. I am envious of this. I also learned:
- “Psycho” is still brilliant.
- “North by Northwest” has a great drunken driving scene with Cary Grant mugging for the camera. It made me warm and happy.
- “The Birds” is a weird movie. Tippi Hedren proves that you can be beautiful and blank even when birds are trying to peck your eyes out.
2) You can’t snap out of the flu the way you snap out of drinking too much. There’s no sobering up. You just have to suffer.
3) If there is ever a plague, I will get it. And I will get it hard.
4) When you can’t taste anything, even chocolate will taste bad. This will cause you deep sorrow. The only thing that will work for you is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And tea.
5) If you have to be sick, it’s nice to be sick with someone who loves you unconditionally and doesn’t tell you you look like a beached porpoise while you’re panting on the couch, feverish, and stripped down to your skivvies.
I’m trying to take it easy. It’s really hard. I have so many things to do, like record another book, and exercise, and get groceries. Kealoha keeps warning me to stop, take it easy, slow down. So. I’ll try. Today I’ll watch “Vertigo” and “Rear Window” and try to work on my memoir. I’m thinking my slight hallucinations from cough medicine will enhance my writing with some excellent ‘memories’ of my days in the circus.