The Trouble With Directions

A Conversation between Kealoha and me.

ME: So, your mom will be here soon. We’re driving to Binder Zoo. I want to drive but what if she wants to drive? I mean, will it be okay? Will she go too fast? What kind of a driver is she?

KEALOHA: If you’re asking if she’ll kill the kids, no, she won’t kill the kids. You should let her drive.

ME: Wait. Are you saying she’s a better driver than me?

(Pause as KEALOHA considers how to deftly answer the minefield question.)

KEALOHA: She knows what North and South is and knows where she’s going. You just had to ask me which way to turn to go South.

ME: I hate directions. Why do they have to use directions? They’re stupid. Why don’t they just use left and right? I know left and right.

KEALOHA: Directions are easier.

(I pause as I try to explain.)

ME: Look at me. I’m facing North, okay?

KEALOHA: Yes.

(I turn a quarter-step to my right.)

ME: Okay. Now I’m facing North again.

(I turn another quarter-step.)

ME: And when I turn again, look! This is me, facing North. See? Wherever I turn, I’m facing North! That’s a problem. That’s why I don’t like directions. Wait. When I first said I was facing North, was that really North?

(KEALOHA can’t answer me because he’s too busy laughing at me. He does nod his head though.)

ME: Weird.

*I did actually end up driving, but only because I'd told K's mom I was going to and I had the car seats. I think she probably would've been a better driver and gotten us there a whole lot faster.*