If I am going to become a Crazy Cat Lady and part of a Crazy Cat Loving Couple, then I need to start taking this seriously. I need to make a little purse size scrapbook of the kitties at their finest, you know, a book I can pull out and show to random strangers. I’ll corner them in elevators and say “Now, here is Peanut and she likes to suckle like she’s a kitten. It’s so funny watching her look for a teat!”
Until then, I’ll blog about them. (Don’t worry. I’m not turning this into a Look At My Cats blog. I’m just introducing you to them this once. Just this once.)
THE UNUSUAL SUSCATS
BUBBA RAY LOVE
Bubba is the Grand Poopah (or is it Boobah?) of the house. He’s massive. So massive that the ground shakes when he walks. And he has this way of looking at you that says “I really don’t care about you at all, but I guess I’ll put up with you because you feed me.” He’s too old or just annoyed to engage with hissing at the other cats. When one of the other cats tries it, he just shoots them The Look, and they back off. Simone calls to him by singing “Oh, Bubba Ray Looooove!” Bubba never sings back.
Mercedes is a complicated femme fatale. She swishes and swaggers and looks dreamily at nothing in particular. You’ll have a conversation with her and ask her about her day and she’ll just randomly shout out things like “I like cheese!” or “I want the shiny!” She’s a neck sleeper. She likes to curl around your neck like she’s a scarf. She has issues with Peanut. They’re both girls, though, so a complicated relationship is expected.
Mist needs a cape. He thinks he’s a super hero. He’s always wired and jumping everywhere. We blame his part-Siamese DNA. He jumps on your back, on the top of door frames, drinks from the sink, head butts doors until they open. He’s not very bright, but he is interesting. He’s infatuated with Mercedes. If you rub Mist’s belly, he’ll love you forever. (I find that he’s like most males in this sense.)
Oh, poor Peanut. First, she’s a runt. Second, she’s missing a leg. And third, she’s so stressed out that she will suckle anything anywhere. She suckles like she’s possessed, and she just might be. Clearly, she has no idea where Bubba and Mercedes came from. Peanut jumps around the house, scared of shadows, hair, and anything pointed. She’s just nervous. She thinks, maybe, that random cats are falling from the ceiling…which might happen. Mist and Bubba have found a secret entrance into the ceiling. Any day, one of them will fall through. My money’s on Bubba, but I don’t think he’ll care. At any rate, Peanut is a house favorite, probably because she needs therapy.
And those are the cats. They’re great. Loving. Weird. The kids like them. And they make our family life just a little bit more chaotic and a little bit more wonderful. I can tell you more as soon as I trap you in an elevator. I also have home movies I could show you.