Beware the Sugar Coma
Here is a conversation I had with my kids, Franz and Moxie, as Franz was about to consume this giant cupcake.
ME: Seriously? Are you going to eat that?
FRANZ: Yep. The whole thing.
ME: If you eat the whole thing, you're going to go into a sugar coma.
FRANZ: Sugar coma? What? That's not even real.
MOXIE: Oooooh, it's real all right. Alex, in my class, it was on Valentine's Day and he ate so much sugar that he started running around and around in a circle screaming his head off, just screaming and screaming and they sent him to the office. Eventually they called the ambulance and everything. Sugar. Coma.
ME: Wow. That sounds really serious.
MOXIE: It is. Super serious.
FRANZ: Maybe I'll only have half of it.
Happy Easter!
Conversation in the Car Post Wizard of Oz Performance
Cast:
Franz, 9
Moxie, 7
Kealoha, 40s
Me, ageless
FRANZ: So that was much better than I thought. I mean, I felt like the production level was really high.
ME: It was. And they had great sets and costumes. Moxie, you did a great job. You totally held that spear with such authority!
MOXIE: I know.
ME: I mean, there were some real…moments…in the performance that were just great.
MOXIE: Yeah. They forgot a bunch of stuff though.
KEALOHA: They kept going though. Eventually. And that’s what you do in theater. If something goes wrong, you just keep going.
FRANZ: Not always.
ME: Always, Franz. That’s what people in theater do. When something goes wrong, you just suck it up and push forward.
FRANZ: Not if someone DIED on stage. Like right in the middle had a HEART ATTACK and COLLAPSED, then they wouldn’t keep going. I mean, that would be RUDE.
ME: Okay, but we’re not talking about that…we mean…
FRANZ: Or if a bunch of ASSASSINS stormed the theater and were like dropping down from the rafters, they wouldn’t keep going THEN would they?
ME: Uhhh….
FRANZ: Or if there was this giant fireball and people caught on fire and were screaming and catching each other on fire and….
KEALOHA: Okay. No. You’re right. They wouldn’t keep going then. They’d lower the curtain and the stage manager would politely ask if there was anyone in the house who was a doctor, a medic, or a paratrooper.
FRANZ: Paratrooper. Heh. That’s a good one.
ME: Okay, okay. But THAT didn’t happen tonight. In THIS play. That we’re talking about right NOW. Moxie, again, you did a great job. I really liked how you marched and looked so fierce with that spear.
MOXIE: Well, I didn’t look fierce actually. They just put giant eyebrows on us to make all of us look angry.
ME: Good to know. Big eyebrows make you look angry. See? Theater teaches you stuff.
Wonderfully Bad Poetry
Yesterday, Kealoha and I went to our daughter Moxie’s 1st Grade Poetry Slam. There was no actual ‘slammin’ going on, though I had been looking forward to seeing the kiddos wearing hoodies and trashing each other with their words. Mostly, they just read their poems to us.
Yesterday, Kealoha and I went to our daughter Moxie’s 1st Grade Poetry Slam. There was no actual ‘slammin’ going on, though I had been looking forward to seeing the kiddos wearing hoodies and trashing each other with their words. Mostly, they just read their poems to us.
I should say “poems”. These were the strangest, darkest, most awful poems I have ever experienced. I. Loved. It. Every single second of it.
You all know I’m a fan of bad poetry, and there’s nothing quite as bad as awkward children re-writing poems that they don’t really like in the first place. Add in stuttering, microphone feedback, bad teeth, and cowlicks, and you have a coffee shop open mic night. I mean, first graders.
I tried to quickly memorize some of my favorite poems. I will share a couple with you now:
Jack And Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of hot oil Jack fell down the hill and rolled Into an alligator’s mouth and the Alligator ate him And Jill came jumping after
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a skyscraper And fell off And busted into a million pieces and died And they couldn’t put him back together again Because he was dead and in a million pieces.
The Earth
The earth smells like my mom. I love our earth!
And…this one from Moxie:
Hey Diddle Diddle
Hey diddle diddle The cow didn’t jump over the moon. Also, the cat didn’t play the fiddle Because cats do not have arms. The dish and the spoon tried to run away, But they forgot they don’t have legs. Hey diddle diddle Do you like my new riddle?
I’m a little bit in love with these kids, although, maybe, just maybe, they could use a little more poetry in their lives and a little less realism.