My Week of Mushrooms-Rings-Shots-Audiobooks-Students-Kiddos-GarageSale

I’m tired. I’m so tired I’m walking around all hunched over and saying (in one of those old man/Hepburn voices) “Oh, my bones! My aching bones!” It’s very satisfying to do that.

We’ve just had the kind of two weeks where you go…uh…what the hell were we thinking?

MY WEEK:

Last weekend was mushroom hunting with my crazy-wonderful family. (see previous post)

I narrated all day on Monday, and then that night, Kealoha proposed and we had a few days of endorphin highs as we responded to lots of well wishes.

Tuesday my classes started and I had to remember how to teach a 3 ½ hour long class, and figure out how to teach two in a row without going brain dead and/or spontaneously combusting.

Wednesday, Kealoha and I took my son in for another shot of allergy testing. Get it? Another ‘shot’ at allergy testing. Oh, the puns. Anyway, we were just guessing what he was allergic to before since he only made it through half the testing, but this time, he made it through 14 scratches on his back and 24 shots in his arm. The only way we could get him to do it was heartbreaking and funny. He sat in Kealoha’s lap, one nurse held his arms, one nurse have him shots, I coached him, and we all said “Crap crap crap crap crap.” The only time I’ve let him ‘swear’. The stream of craps evolved to crappycrappycrappy pooppooppoop and then I threw in a chicken butt. My son looked at me and said “What?” and then we returned to the crap chanting. All five of us. Even the nurses. I think we all cried a little too. We now know that Louis is allergic to cats, dogs, mold, trees, grass, dust and possibly goat (but we didn’t test for goat).

Wednesday night and Thursday brought stressful conversations with my ex as he yelled at me for not immediately ‘getting rid of’ my three cats. I said that the doctors didn’t say we had to and they suggested our son get allergy shots to build up his resistance to, well, AIR. We’re still talking. I’m taking my daughter to the allergist in two weeks and I’m doing more research on this.

Thursday and Friday brought more narrating and driving an hour to Grand Haven and just being exhausted and bloated and not able to exercise. Thursday evening and Friday evening, we prepared for the Rapturous Garage Sale.

Saturday: Rapturous Garage Sale and hence why I’m so tired. (I’ll blog about this one separately.)

Sunday, I took care of kiddos, we cleaned the house, I prepped for 7 hours of teaching on Tuesday, read through the next audiobook script, finally got a workout in, made shrimp with lemon risotto, and fell asleep watching “The Tourist”. I’m not sure if that says something about how tired I was or the movie itself.

Oh, yeah. And I gave up wheat last week.

Yeah. One crazy week. This week will be about as intense. Kealoha and I are checking out a wedding venue, I’m teaching and narrating…blah blah blah. I see the light though. It’s in two weeks when I’m done narrating, and in five weeks when I get an actual vacation from everything. I am counting the minutes.

Okay. I’m not really counting the minutes because I’m too brain-fried for math. But I am counting the days. Sort of. It’s something like 42.

(pause) (pause)

It just dawned on me what “42” is. Dammit if Douglas Adams wasn’t right. It IS the answer to everything!

Six Sentence Sunday 5/22/2011

They clicked beers and began reading.

hi lady you look really hot why don’t we get nakey?

"Oh my God, Jules, this guy wants to get nakey with you. He wants to get utterly nakey!!”

“No way. I don’t even get nakey with myself.”

*Six sentences from "Easy Does It" by Tanya Eby. See last week's posting too.

Want to know what Six Sentence Sunday is? Here are the rules:

• Posts must be active by 9 am (EST) or your link will be removed from the list that week
• Posts must be SIX SENTENCES or your link will be removed from the list that week
• Post must be about those six sentences or your link will be removed from the list that week

Read more entrants here: Six Sentence Sunday

It's a great way to discover new writers.

Rapture Garage Sale Post by Kealoha

Sooo...when Kealoha and I combined houses, I had a sort of panic attack because of all the stuff we have and my certain issues with "pack rat syndrome". Kealoha promised me we'd have a garage sale, and that time is NOW. Or it would be now, but there's a flood in our back yard, so the garage sale we were going to have tomorrow is now on Saturday. Here's the ad that Kealoha created and posted on Craig's List. I'm not kidding you. He really posted this. And what he says is true. We have all these items for sale. He giggled while writing this. He also used an announcer voice and read it out loud to me. I just shook my head. Kealoha's Garage Sale Post.....

A RAPTUROUS GARAGE SALE

Not going to the Rapture? Come to the End Of The World Garage Sale!

Everything must go!!!

Need kids clothes and toys? We got 'em! Need housewares? Got 'em! How about Elvis memorabilia? Thank YOU very much, cuz we got 'em! Kitsch? Yup! Books? I read 'em, now I'm selling them! Linens? Imagine what they'd say!!

That's right, I'm drinking while pricing to give YOU bargains, bargains, BARGAINS!!

Maybe I shouldn't have had that plate of ribs for dinner, cuz now these clothes don't fit. Aw, heck! I'll sell them! That's right, I'm selling the Hawaiian shirts off my back!

Here kitty, kitty... Nope, they're too quick, but you hear what I'm saying? I'll sell anything I can get my hands on!

So come on down and see what I'm talking about!!

SATURDAY!!!! 9am - 5pm!!!!

That's Right. He Put A Ring On It.

Kealoha and I are getting married! Woohooo! That’s right. We’re going to get hitched. I’m going to be his ball and chain. I’m going to wear curlers and a bad robe and fuzzy slippers and he’s going to mow the lawn wearing tall brown socks and his boxers. It’s so romantic, I can barely even talk about it.  

Honestly, Kealoha is a dream come true. For real. A year and a half ago, I wrote a Letter to the Universe stating the things I was looking for in a partner. If I can find it, I’ll re-post it. The letter is hokey, sentimental, and filled with longing. It was a wish made…and somehow it’s been granted. Kealoha is, I think, my missing piece. He makes all the clichés feel real.

I could go on and on, but instead I’ll tell about looking for the ring. We’ve been talking about getting married for a while. It’s one of the reasons he moved in. We wanted to make sure that we ‘fit’. Both in terms of our lifestyles, but also with being a family.  Maybe he’d find dating a woman with kids overwhelming. Maybe I’d be annoyed with him. Maybe we’d hate each other. Maybe the kids would hate him. The opposite proved to be true. It was all easy. And I still haven’t gotten annoyed with him. So...we decided we were ready to get married. We both want it. We want the party and the symbolic gesture of joining our lives. And Kealoha said he wanted me to have a ring.

The problem was…what sort of ring? Originally, I told Kealoha to look for something and that it didn’t matter. I just said “something not traditional”. I had no idea how many rings were out there. We were sitting on the couch and he mentioned that he wasn’t sure what to do and he was a little overwhelmed, so I grabbed his iPad and said “Let me look” and started my online search for a ring.

There’s like a million things that pop up when you search for a ring. I knew I didn’t want the diamond solitaire. Diamonds to me are more about money than a commitment. Plus, I never know when a diamond is real or not. And they get caught on everything and snag and Kealoha and I decided we wanted to wear just wedding bands…so I wanted a ring I could wear in my right hand once we were married. Something classy like and simple.

I immediately searched for RING and then ONE RING thinking that’d simplify it. This is what popped up with ONE RING.

I pointed to it and said: “This is the ring I want. Can you get on that please?”

Kealoha: “You want me to give you My Precious?”

Me: “Yes. Now.”

Kealoha shrugged and said: “Okay, let me just journey to Mordor first.”

I thought that might take a while so I changed my search. I wanted either an opal or a moon ring. The moon rings, though, were a little weird. And I’m not like a Wiccan or Renaissance woman.

I searched dozens of pages, ring after ring after ring. They were just bad. Gaudy, too big, too small, too many stones. I just wanted something simple and elegant. Something that didn’t suck.

I typed in RING THAT DOESN’T SUCK and got a Facebook page called “Just because I got a tongue ring doesn’t mean I suck dick”. I asked Kealoha if we should join that page. I don’t think he answered me.

Then I gave in and checked Tiffany’s and then Jarrods and then Zales. Muther humper! I was giving in to The Man! I did try to go a non-traditional route though.

And then I found it. As soon as it popped up on screen, I knew it was right. Simple, elegant, I can wear it on my other hand and it’s an opal which reminds me of the moon and the sea and the stars.

Yes I’m getting poetic, but you’ve got to cut me some slack.

Kealoha ordered it for me. We waited….and waited…and went mushroom hunting…and last night he gave me the ring and told me that he loved me and told the kids that he loved them and asked if I would marry him. I said No. That was mean. I shouldn’t have done that. Then I said “Yes”. I keep saying yes. Don’t ask to borrow money from me right now because I’d probably say yes to that too.

The short story is…Kealoha makes me happy. Knowing him, loving him, all that stuff has been incredibly easy. I thought love would be hard work and a fight. I never imagined it could be so effortless.

And that’s truly a wonderful thing. No joke.

Mushroom Hunting 2011

Man, what a week! Spent most of the week narrating “Split Second” by Alex Kava, then finished narrating my own book “Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage” on Friday, saw a run-through of my play on John James Audubon performed at the GRAM (2^nd performance on the 27^th) , prepped for teaching summer classes, had two panic attacks (not really), drank mojitos on a Thursday afternoon and chatted with a friend, then Friday afternoon, loaded the kiddos in the car with major amounts of luggage and drove with Kealoha to Northern Michigan to hunt for morels…and for him to meet my family for the first time.  

Of course, he’s met my mom and brother and sister, but I’m talking my extended family. My two uncles, two aunts, and seven cousins. With everyone in the house, we were a party of nearly twenty. And Kealoha passed with flying colors.

Friday night, my aunts watched the kids (mine and my cousin’s) so the Adults could go out mushroom hunting. It was getting dark out and wet and the woods were moody, but we went anyway. We found some right away. Walking through the woods, I was reminded on why I like hunting for morels so much. First of all, they aren’t very fast. They basically stay in the same place. You have to get hyper-focused and try to feel the vibrations of the mushrooms. If you are very quiet, the mushrooms will speak quietly and it will sound like rain on your soul.

Crazy much? Nah. I’m just joking. The above is BS. Basically, you try not to step on them. We told Kealoha that if he wanted to be accepted into my family (and my life) he’d have to fill an entire bag with mushrooms. To my delight, he scampered off with an enormous bag hoping to do just that. With the lack of mushrooms (it was cold), we reduced that amount to two…and someone else could find them for him. No need though. Kealoha is a natural hunter. You should see the war paint.

That night we spent together as a family, all of us around an enormous table in my aunt and uncle’s great room. We had veggie chili, cornbread, and other snacks. And we laughed. A lot. I was too brain dead to play card games like the others, but I managed to stay up past 8PM.

DAY TWO

The fog rolled in sometime during the night. Usually when we go mushroom hunting it’s so hot, you get sun burned. This time it was like hunting in late October. So instead of early morning searching, my uncle wanted to take Kealoha on a tour of the area. After breakfast, the aunts watched the kids again (they were having fun creating space worms from socks) and we were off. I felt like I was in Maine. Everything was ghosty and moody and the writer in me was very pleased with the potential for a new mystery novel. Then I told the writer in me to just shut the hell up and relax for once.

We explored dunes, dense woods, and winding roads. And I sat in the back and listened to my Uncle spin local tales.

Then we joined the family and after some general herding, got into four different cars and took off for the woods. In the first woods, we didn’t find any morels, only beefsteaks, but it was still fun. When you look for mushrooms, you can stare at a patch of leaves and not see anything, and then your eyes suddenly focus and you go “Oh!” It’s called getting your Mushroom Eyes on.

We had the kids this time so there was plenty of chatter. Each kid has to choose an adult to buddy with. We learned this since we lost one of my cousins in the woods twenty years ago. Eventually we found her. That was exciting and all, but we sorta decided not to repeat that.

Since this woods wasn’t cooperating, we went to the next one. We have a secret hill we go to where we planted pink and purple lilac bushes in memory of my grandparents. The pink lilacs were planted over twenty years ago when my grandmother passed away; the purple ones ten years ago for Grandpa. Over the years, the flowers have grown together and mixed. It’s enough to make you weepy. We stop to honor our family, to tell stories of finding bags and bags of mushrooms. I could get super poetic here, but let’s just say it’s a moment where we all acknowledge that mushroom hunting isn’t really about hunting for mushrooms at all, it’s just an excuse to get together.

Of course, then we all started finding mushrooms on that very hill. Tricky white ones. You’d stare at the ground and see just the tip of one, uncover some straw, and there were four or five. Kealoha and I found a patch of fifteen. It was very exciting.

The rain came then so we went to The Friendly in Empire for burgers.

GAMING

My family is composed of characters and gamers. Once we’d eaten again, we played Guillitione (a card game), poker, and then Pictionary. Favorite moment of the evening was my mom and uncle going head to head. My uncle is like this math genius or something, and my mom was intimidated. My uncle looked at the card and said “I have no idea what to do”. Mom buckled in and immediately drew a peace symbol. Her team guessed in less than a second. “That was it? The prompt was PEACE?” we said. My uncle shook his head. “I don’t know what happened. I was trying to think of how not to draw war.”

DAY THREE

In the morning, we had leftover crepes and egg casserole that I’d made the day before, chatted quietly as the house woke up and then were on our way. Apparently one of my uncles said to Kealoha that he passed the test and wouldn’t be buried in the basement with the other boyfriends of mine they didn’t like. Kealoha said “Well, I bet they make great fertilizer for mushrooms”. See? He fits right in.

At home, after the kiddos were picked up by their dad, I made some sauteed morels for Kealoha. He took a bite and I saw the wave pass over his face. "I get it now," he said. The mushrooms are meaty, with a chewy texture and a flavor that is rich, subtle and really hard to explain. I think it's that umami flavor they talk about. With butter and a little salt, it's a decadent pleasure.

Six Sentence Sunday 5/15/2011

Five hours after Julie posted her ad, she awoke still sitting at her computer. There was a paperclip stuck to her forehead and an empty wine bottle next to her. She picked the paperclip off her forehead and slowly dragged the cursor over the screen.

114 messages.

Then Julie saw what she'd done. “Young Treasure Seeks Seaman on Love’s Sea” became (with the help of her computer’s thesaurus and a fourth glass of merlot): “Easy Lady Requests Guy with Two Socks.”

From "Easy Does It" by Tanya Eby

Slow Down and READ

 

One of the things I realized lately is just how much time and energy I’ve been putting into promoting my books. It’s been good and all, but so much of my time has gone into promoting, that I’ve lost touch with literature. And I miss it. I’m not even talking about writing it…I mean…I miss reading. So I’m going to do something radical. I’m going to slow down and read.

Let me repeat that.

This summer, I’m going to slow down and read. I’m going to kick back, unplug, put on a ridiculous hat and sit in my backyard and read.

This is where the idea came from:

This weekend, Kealoha and I took a walk with the kiddos to the park and it was so relaxing to be outside, to feel warm, to hear kids laughing and throwing fits. I barely checked my email or Facebook or Twitter all weekend. Maybe I lost some followers, but I found a little bit more of ME. And one of the things I’ve been missing is time to spend quietly with a book, outside, sitting on the deck. I used to read a book a week. It’s been two years since I’ve done that.

So what did I do? I immediately posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was looking for suggestions for my summer reading list. (And yes, I recognize the irony.) My goal is to read 14 books in the warm months…May through August. 7 classics and 7 new books.

Doesn’t that sound lovely?

Here are the suggestions I received. I’m keeping the names private because I don’t want to just post people’s info without permission. If you want to claim your suggestion, just leave a comment (of course, then you’ll have to do math).

SUGGESTED READING FOR MY SLOW DOWN AND READ CAMPAIGN

“Closing of the American Mind” by Allan Bloom

“The Bookseller of Kabul” by Asne Seierstad

“Out of the Silent Planet”, “Perelandra”, and “That Hideous Strength” AKA “The Space Trilogy” by C.S. Lewis

“Bloodroot” by Amy Greene

“Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen

“The Handmaid’s Tale” and “Alias Grace” by Margaret Atwood

“My Antonia” by Willa Cather

"Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman

"Love Is A Mixtape" by Rob Sheffield

Anything by Sarah Vowell, like "Radio On" or "Assassination Vacation"

The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

Neil Gaiman: Neverwhere; The Graveyard Book

Henry James: The American; Princess Cassimassima

“The Castle” by Franz Kafka

“Sarum: The Novel of England” by Edward Rutherfurd

Laural Hamilton's Merrideth Gentry series

“Watership Down” by Richard Adams

“BONK” by Mary Roach

“Sucker for a Hot Rod” by Joselyn Vaughn

“To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee

“Appointment in Samarra” by John O'hara.

“Punished” by Brynn Paulin

"Watch" series by Sergei Lukyanenko

“if on a winters night a traveler” by Italo Calvino

“The Haunting of Hillhouse” by Shirley Jackson

“We Need To Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver

“Bridge of Sighs” by Richard Russo

Anything by Nick Hornby

(The last three are my suggestions. I claim them.)

Where to start? Where to start! This is by no means a complete list. I’ll be gathering suggestions for as long as people give them to me. Right now, I’m just excited about all the potential. In fact, I’m going to start this weekend, even though I have an audiobook to prep and classes to prepare for. I always find time to be online, so for a few months, instead of making the computer and promotion my top priority, I’m going to focus on characters and plots and beautiful words (that have nothing to do with me).

What’s on your list?

Diet Update: Week Two

Diet WEEK TWO  

I was a little leery of stepping on the scale this morning because, well, let’s just say it was a hard week. First, there was the wine tasting on Thursday and there was no way I was counting calories then. On Friday, I was just plain exhausted and wanted good food and I wanted it NOW. And then today, well, it’s Mother’s Day. Enough said.

I know. I know. There’s always a thousand excuses. And now I’m becoming that calorie counting annoying person. It’s annoying me. I don’t want to count calories, but I don’t know any other way to keep me aware of how much I’m actually eating. To put it simply, this week I didn’t lose any weight. In fact, I gained 1.5 pounds…which puts me…shit…right back where I started. I’m literally the same weight I was two weeks ago when I started this whole “Got to change my eating habits” game again.

Muther humper.

I feel like crying, mostly because I really hate my body right now. Mostly, I hate my belly. It won’t go away. But I’m trying to breathe and remember that when I got dressed up for the Wine Tasting with Kealoha, I felt pretty good….so this whole self image thing I think is tied to other things. Mostly, a general feeling of never quite being good enough. Self esteem issues anyone?

Plus, I was narrating this week. ALL week. As most of you know, when I narrate, I’m in a studio (motionless) from 8:30 to 4:30. I narrate for an hour, take a bathroom break, and then keep narrating. We have an hour for lunch. So my activity level has tanked. I managed to walk about two miles a day still, and five miles this weekend, but  it hasn’t helped. And I did make ‘smart’ choices while narrating. Instead of getting McDonald’s biscuit for breakfast (500 calories) and a giant sandwich and soup and cookie for lunch (1500) calories, and eating chips and pop on the way home (300 calories) and then having a huge dinner (600 calories)…I ate small meals throughout the day. Turkey slices, hummus and veggies, salads with chicken, coffee, etc. So. That was good…and also a gigantic pain in my ass because my stomach would not stop rumbling. So, maybe then, it was a pain in my stomach. I hope to god people can’t hear those tummy rumbles. Nothing like listening to an audiobook and thinking “Huh. That narrator has gas.”

Bah!

Okay. So one good week; one for shit week. Some choices were in my control and some weren’t. On to week three. I’m not giving up. I’m just trying to figure out a lifestyle I can live with that makes me feel good.

This week, I’m cutting back on wheat because I think I might have an intolerance for it. And next week, I’m joining a gym again. With all the work I’m doing, I feel like I’ve earned the right to pay hefty monthly fees. It’ll be worth it if I can get my muffin top to disappear.

And dammit! Now I want a muffin!

ArrhghhhhhH!

Six Sentence Sunday 5/8/2011

When Mrs. Welch heard the screaming, she didn't think much of it. She was mixing scones in the kitchen, adding currants and a dash of almond extract. No one in northern Michigan really liked scones, they were too dry and bland for their sweetened palates, but Mrs. Welch was trying to run an authentic B&B and B&B's served scones.

At any rate, she was mixing the currants into the flour with a fork, thinking that little currants look disturbingly like mouse turds, when she heard the screeching. If she were forced to describe it (and she might to the police should the shrieking continue), she would have to say that the screeching sounded like the roar of a beached sea creature that longed to return to the sea.

That or a cat in heat.

This "Six Sentence Sunday" is from "Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage". It's a mystery with a little bit of sex and a whole lot of funny. This is my second entry. Last week was so fun I had to try it again.

Review: Bar Divani and the Elk Cove Wine Tasting Dinner

Last night Kealoha and I went to the Elk Cove Wine Tasting Dinner at Bar Divani. Bar Divani is a sophisticated (but not stuffy) restaurant nestled next to Hop Cat and a series of other bars. (This is in Grand Rapids, Michigan in case you're wondering.) Walking in, it feels sort of like you’re walking into a place that’s pro-corduroy. Some people hate corduroy. For me that’s a compliment. I mean, that when you walk in it’s all soft and moody and warm feeling, the way corduroy makes me feel without that vvvvvvp vvvvvvvvp sound when you walk.

We were seated in the front of the restaurant at a cozy little table and I breathed a sigh of relief. The last wine tasting I went to there was held in a big back room. Everyone sat at round tables. I was on a date at that time (an awkward first date) and with the added awkwardness of eating with strangers, it was an evening that gave me hives. No hives last night though. It was just me and Kealoha, so we could talk about whatever we wanted to without the pressure of sounding smart or sophisticated.

The first wine was the Pinot Noir Rosé, Willamette Valley, 2010. Generally, I’m not a fan of Rosés. It makes me feel like I’m only pretending to drink wine. Kealoha thought it was okay. I thought it was a good Mom Wine.

Of course, I’m a mom…but I mean…it’s a good wine for people who don’t usually drink wine and would like to give it the old college try. Although, that makes it sound like they’d put the wine in one of those beer hats and chug it. I guess you could. It’s crisp, and light and tastes a little bit of honey. I said that to Kealoha. He said, “It tastes like wine to me.” We’re both right. I mentioned it had good legs and he looked under the table for them. That’s when I stopped trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

1^ST COURSE

The 1^st course brought wine AND food. I was giggling happily. 1^st course was: swordfish ceviche with red onion, jalapeño, lime juice and cilantro served with Elk Cove’s Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley, 2009.

I was a little leery of the ceviche. Ceviche is basically raw ‘whatever you want’ served with some sort of acidity. That sounds technical. What I mean is a good cerviche has pieces that are small enough so that the vinegar or citrus actually cooks the seafood a little bit. I’ve had raw ceviche before…but this was lovely. Tiny, succulent pieces of swordfish mixed with diced red onions and lots of lime, served with tortilla chips. A great appetizer. Simple and seductive. If this ceviche was people (you wouldn’t eat it then of course), it would be that quiet person at the bar you don’t notice at first, and then, holy wah! When you put them in your mouth….

Oh. Wait. Sorry. I started writing a romance novel for a moment. Forgive me. Back to the review.

The wine was lovely. My favorite of the evening. What’s nice about a Pinot Gris is it’s similar to a chardonnay but they take out all the wonky attitude. I mean, there’s none of that oaky flavor that makes you feel like the wine was stored in some lady’s closet. MY MOM’S closet maybe. (You know what I’m referencing here.) This pinot gris was as it should be: citrusy, crisp, and oh so easy to drink. (I bought two bottles.)

2^ND COURSE

Then we were on to the second course. I was joking with Kealoha about how (again) he doesn’t annoy me. This is shocking to me. Why doesn’t he annoy me? I mean, I’m sure he will at some point, but we’re committed enough now that if he annoys me, I can tell him so and take some space. In the past, I’d get annoyed pretty easy with men. I just thought that’s the way it was. I thought men were just annoying. Now I see that was my inner gut saying “Dude. Tanya, this guy is not a good fit for you.” Kealoha is a good fit for me. He said that I don’t annoy him either, but then, he tried not to date people who annoyed him in the first place.

He said, “Remember in When Harry Met Sally that Harry wouldn’t date this one woman because she smelled like soup? You don’t smell like soup.”

“Sometimes I smell like soup,” I said.

“Yeah, but only when you cook soup.”

That’s true.

Anyway…2^nd course was a pork roulade with chevre and walnuts, roasted fingerlings, rapini and pomegranate jus. Wine was a Pinot Noir. This course was incredible. Great presentation. There was a hint of what I thought was red wine vinegar mixed with a sweet cherry smell. That was the pomegranate jus I guess. I could also smell the slightly caramelized potatoes with rosemary. The roulade was tender and a terrific combination of flavors: creamy, sweet, bitter, acidic, touch of salt. In other words, this dish achieved the umami flavor when everything is balanced. I wasn’t sure what the rapini was. Some sort of cross between spinach and broccoli. Anyway. I ate all of it. I would’ve licked the plate and thought about it, but decided not to. I didn’t want to get a stain on my shirt.

The pinot noir was good. This one had a little more attitude to it. It might have overpowered the roulade a little bit, but I think it’d be terrific with a burger fresh from the grill.

3^RD COURSE

At this point, I was a little bit buzzed. I admit it. I know this because my notes are a little blurry and misspelled. Third course was roasted veal chops with sweet potato gnocchi and a morel glaze, served with the Big Daddy wine of the evening, another Pinot Noir but from a different vintage…or grape harvest….or whatever. I don’t know this stuff.

This was good, but not the best. I would’ve thought it was a fatty pork chop if I didn’t know it was veal. I thought veal was supposed to be thin and very tender. That might just be my mis-education. The glaze was nice, but a little salty. I liked the gnocchi and the asparagus. But for me, this dish didn’t live up to the other two. I think if you’re a big meat eater aficionado, this one might’ve worked for you, but Kealoha and I we were a little underwhelmed.

FINALLY

To end the evening, they gave us a spoon with a dollop of goat cheese, a single blueberry and pistachio and drizzled with honey. I love the idea of a one-bite dessert. And this was good. Again, I think they were going for a blend of flavors and textures. I like the textures particularly: creamy, crunchy, burst of sweetness. Yum.

It was a great night. Would I recommend Elk Cove Vineyard? Absolutely. And it’s cool that they’re a family company and only have 9 different wines.

And Bar Divani? For sure. I’m not going to give it stars or wine glasses or whatever because I think a place is either good and worth re-visiting, or not. This one is worth re-visiting, and great to take friends or loved ones or even awkward first dates to. Even though the veal wasn’t my favorite, it was still way better than what most restaurants serve. The atmosphere is relaxed, we had a friendly server, good attention from the Wine Dude and the owner (but they weren’t overly obtrusive), and Kealoha and I could talk about smelling like soup and not worry if anyone was listening.

I’ll be looking for another tasting. They’re fun. And next time, I’m hoping to convince some friends to go along with us. (Hint hint. You know who you are.)

Random Thing #5: WANT

#6  

I want waffles and bacon and crème brulee and ribs and biscuits lathered with butter and flourless chocolate cake and a mojito and this hazelnut cake log I make and Oh, sheesh, I'm now thinking about all the wonderful dessert logs there are  and then laughing at how anything can be called a log and yet still be appetizing.

Ok.

So back to what I want: chocolate truffles, an agent (but not to eat) and homemade ravioli stuffed with goat cheese, and stuffed polenta, and stuffed mushrooms, and I guess I just want things STUFFED and I basically want to eat everything I've posted on my abandoned food blog I want to eat all of it (except the agent) and not gain a single pound. Please?

That concludes my Day Of Random Things, because I actually have to get ready for narrating. I have to find my diva crown and pack up a vat of hummus. *sigh*

Random Thing #4: NOISES

#4  

I occasionally make very weird sounds. Sometimes, if I’m really tired, and I’m just about to drift asleep, I make this guttural UUUUGGGHHH sound. I’m not kidding. It’s a sound you might think would come from a might lumberjack, and not some late-thirties writer chick. It’s so loud and deep, it wakes me up. Kealoha thinks it’s hysterical.

Yesterday while opening a Netflix, I looked at the title and immediately raised my pinky to my mouth and said “oooooh” like Dr. Evil. You have to understand. I was not consciously mimicking Dr. Evil. I did this NATURALLY. Then I looked up at Kealoha and we both started laughing, because I’m just so weird.

“When people ask why you love me, tell them that I make strange noises, will you?” I said.

He said, “Yeah. It’s incredibly sexy lying next to a sleeping woman and hearing her go GAAAARRR!”

I nodded. I nodded because it’s true.

Random Thing #6: READING

#6  

I miss reading. I used to read a book a week and now…well…blast. I’m narrating a lot and working on my own stuff, but I miss curling up with a book and reading. I’m going to add a new goal to this summer and read a book a week again. Because, yeah, I need more things on my plate.

Random Thing #3: DIET

#3 I’m having the worst week dieting. It’s impossible to diet and narrate at the same time. Healthy food doesn’t fill you up for long, and it’s hard for my body to ‘process’.

Er....

So when I eat a salad or lentils or anything, my stomach becomes the Creature from the Deep and is all Graaahhh! and RRRRrrraaarrggg!! I’m trying to stuff my face every ten minute break with tiny bits of hummus and carrots. Think of a vampire going all crazy over someon'es jugular. That's me with the hummus. And it ain't pretty.

All I really want is a gigantic sandwich to calm my stomach and flood my body with a wonderful food induced buzz..to help me relax.

Random Thing # 2: DIVA

#2  

I’m narrating all week and I had a diva moment yesterday. I really try to get along with everyone, and I’m not sure what happened except the engineer likes to take long breaks, and I like to take short ones. See, he’s there hourly. I’m there on contract…so I want to get that puppy read and get home. What I didn’t know is that I guess on breaks lots of engineers come to him with questions so it takes him twice as long. But I actually said in the booth “You are kidding me! Another break! Where is he going? What IS GOING ON? I SAID NO! WIRE! HANGERS!!!!” He came back and told me to relax.

I think trying to diet (or ‘change my eating habits’) is making me grouchy.

Random Thing #1: Bea Arthur and The Titanic

I’m sitting down to blog and have no idea what I’m going to blog about.  

So I’m going to program my computer to post random things throughout the day.

#1

I just woke up from a nightmare. I dreamed that my friend K. was pregnant. (Not Kealoha, another friend). And we were talking about her baby and she said she wanted to name the baby Bea Arthur. “You’re not serious,” I said. “Oh, yes,” she said and rubbed her belly with that warm I’m-so-pregnant smile.

That wasn’t the nightmare part. The nightmare part was there was this shipwreck and I decided to rescue all the people. So I swam down to the bottom of the ocean, looked around the ship (there was an air bubble in there thankfully) and no one was there. There were plates of food just abandoned and music playing….and I guess everyone had escaped already….except for me…I woke up with a gasp because I realized that I had no idea how to get to the surface.

So, Bea Arthur baby and possible drowning. Ugh. What does it MEAN?

Diet Update: Week 1

Two weeks ago I proclaimed I was never going on a diet again!  

One week ago I started dieting. Again.

I don’t need to rehash it…you can read the previous blogs.

But I am trying to do this the ‘right’ way. The right way being cutting my portions and exercising, eating more fruits and vegetables, blah blah blah. I can’t make drastic changes at once which is why today when the effing cake-monster-soul-sucker attacked me, I went to the store and bought a cake.

I had a very thin slice. It wasn’t all that good anyway, but it at least got me to stop fantasying about the fucking cake and just eat it all ready. (Glad I re-read that sentence before posting. It had a typo. I wrote “stop fantasizing about fucking the cake’. See? That’s a serious craving!)

After my first week of tracking what I eat using the Lose It! and Treadmill apps for the iPod, I’ve actually made some progress. I’ve walked about twenty miles and lost about two pounds. Not bad. And I feel a little better this week.

So…on to week two. I’m cutting myself some slack for the whole cake thing. Two steps forward, one cake slice back. And honestly, it’s not a big deal. I mean I was super stressed today and cake is so much better for you than coke.

That’s a joke.

Seriously. Just a joke. I don’t do drugs. Except, you know, when I go to the dentist (but then it’s a prescription).

Bring on week two. Anyone doing this with me? A girl gets lonely trying to get in shape.

A Note on The Royal Wedding and Bin Laden's Death

I was going to blog just about the Royal Wedding, but then I went to Twitter and Facebook and checked online and saw the headlines “Osama Bin Laden Is Dead”. Now blogging about the Royal Wedding at all seems silly.  

On second thought…

We were at San Chez this weekend having mojitos and tres leches.

(We'd just come from Olive Garden where we celebrated Kealhoa's Grandma's 95th birthday with his parents). The place was packed with graduates celebrating, people going to prom, and bridal showers. It was a bevy of balloons, sequins, and general hoots of delight. I was meeting some of Kealoha’s friends for the first time. There was a group of ten of us. A really interesting group of people who are quirky, funny, and super intelligent. A few of the guys were members of the Center for Inquiry. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I think it’s a philosophy of discourse that focuses more on science than emotion or religion. I think. And that’s cool with me. I like that. Although, if there was a Center For Emotion, I'd probably join that team. Anyway...So when I mentioned the Royal Wedding there was a general groan, sort of, why should we care about that and it wasted so much money.

I agreed that the UK spent a lot of money, but again, I’ll repeat my point. Sometimes, it’s nice to have a political event that celebrates love and commitment. Then one of the guys said, “But William hasn’t done anything except be born wealthy”. And that’s true too. At the same time, he is a symbol. He can’t help it. It’s who he is. What he does with that...well...time will tell.

I enjoyed the grandeur of the wedding because it celebrates tradition and fantasy at the same time. Why not give a country a day off to have a wedding? Why not focus on hats and dresses for one day? Why not throw a party that has nothing to do with a polarized election? In short, what’s wrong with having a little fun? In fact, in a similar way, everyone at San Chez was celebrating something. We were celebrating a 95th birthday earlier, and then a gluten-free menu and just getting together for fun...others were celebrating those life milestones like graduating and going to prom and maybe getting nookie for the first time. Whoah! Big stuff.

Switch to this morning’s news. Twitter was on fire with tweets like “Thank God that bastard’s dead” and “Muther f***er got what he deserved!” I think for me the most disturbing image is a photo of Americans cheering.

Now, I lived in New York on September 11, and on that day, I wanted the U.S. to go after anyone even remotely associated with that horrible day. Ten years later what I want is different. I just want to live my life simply, celebrate the good stuff, and be there for the people I love. And while I think  politically, his death is important and a symbol of something too, it also makes me nervous. I think the news should be accepted soberly and with knowledge of the weight of its importance, not with cheers. And I hope it stops here. I really do.

Call me simple-minded, but I’d rather see us cheering for a wedding, than cheering for a death. Anyone’s death, whether we think it’s deserved or not. So. Back to that wedding. I’m really hoping it stirs a craze for ridiculous hats because I’ve got my glue gun fired up and ready to go.

Lazy Mom Trick--Random Conversation #43b

I’d just woken up. It was 5:45 in the morning or something unseemly like that. I’d just gotten my daughter settled in the basement with her fresh fruit and yogurt to watch Oswald. That’s a cartoon about an octopus and not a documentary on the Kennedy assassination (if you’re worried).  

Louis, my 6 year old, was grumpy.

So I chased him around the house for a few seconds. I chased him in one direction then silently changed directions, snuck up on him, and screamed “Boo!” He screamed. There was a moment of silence where I thought, oops, he’s either going to lose it or laugh. Thankfully he laughed. Then he said “Again, mom! Do it again!”

ME: No. I’m too tired. I need some coffee.

LOUS: Well go get your coffee then.

ME: That’s what I’m doing.

LOUIS: And then chase me.

I got my coffee. Sat down in the Reading Chair in the living room. Listened to Louis running all over the place. Heard him go into the bathroom. The rest of the conversation was Louis yelling at me from the bathroom and me yelling back from the living room.

LOUIS: Mom! Come find me!

ME: I can’t. I’m drinking coffee!

LOUIS: Come find me!

ME: Okay. Fine.

(Pause. Pause.)

LOUIS: Mom! You’re not finding me! Come and find me!

ME: I am finding you. I’m finding you with my mind!

LOUIS: (pause) You can’t find someone with your mind.

ME: I can. I’m finding you with my mind right now! You’re in the bathroom!

LOUIS: (pause) Do it again!

It’s not a lazy mom trick, I swear. But if I can convince Louis I’m chasing him with my mind, then my mornings will be a lot more relaxing.

Here's a picture of me Louis drew. He drew it on his wall. The picture is actual size if I were a little person.  (You know, like a dwarf.) I'll have to take a pic of the whole thing sometime.

I was in the Royal Wedding!

I was in the Royal Wedding! Didn't know that? Me either. I was super surprised. Okay. I'm sorta lying. A friend of mine sent me the below picture. Check out the license plate. EBY! That's me! (And everyone who has the same last name as I do.)

Still, I dream that William and Kate are passing "Pepper Wellington and the Case of the Missing Sausage" back and forth to each other in bed while eating scones. I'm sure that's exactly what they're doing on their wedding night.